Category Archives: world

Boo Spam

Sadly, I’ve had to disable the page I had on my blog all about one of my favorite bands.  It seems to have turned into a spam magnet. 94 hits this morning. It makes me mad. Why can’t life just be simple without all the little headaches? They seem to multiply day by day and contribute to one big headache.

Oh, how I long for the simpler days gone by… I don’t think I’m cut out for living in this age.

Going to try a little experiment. I’m posting a video of the band and see what happens. This post may or may not be here tomorrow, depending.


(Warning, this is not happy, light reading.  My apologies beforehand… And it’s not a movie review…)

I’ve recently had my future show up at my door. Unexpectedly and knocking loudly. I kind of knew that it was lurking about out there and that sooner or later I would have to open the door and invite it in.  But somehow I had convinced myself that it would patiently wait until I was good and ready to entertain it.

For most of my life I could look out the peep hole and just enjoy the view. There were lots of beautiful sights to see.  Pretty and happy sights.  Then a few years ago, one day I looked out and the picture I was accustomed to seeing seemed a bit dimmer.  Less sharp and clear and somewhat tinged.  Let’s say the colors began to look a little washed out and a sepia effect was starting to bleed in.  If you’re not familiar with a sepia tone, think old photographs.  Not exactly black and white but sort of brownish yellow.  Now picture a sepia rainbow.  There are no brilliant vivid colors, just some lighter tans fading to darker tan.  Hard to distinquish and not nearly so interesting or festive.

I don’t mean to sound all Doom’s Day-ish.  I’m speaking reality. My reality.  And using my normal look the other way tactic just won’t hold water anymore.  There’s no avoiding the inevitable.

It’s called the Circle of Life.  We’re born, we live, and if we’re lucky we have the opportunity to age and then finally die.  We move through the Seasons of our lives from Spring to Winter.  It’s gradual and barely imperceptible.  Mostly.

There comes a point, though when we’re forced to face our immortality.  This point comes in many forms.  For me, a mirror is the vehicle.  I’m not only speaking of the moment each day when I wake up and actually see my face in the bathroom mirror; when I take stock of new sags and wrinkles and skin variations that were or were not there the previous day.  Yeah, that’s not exactly a picnic. But what I’m referring to is the mirror that is my Mom.  She’s where I will be in twenty years or less.

I’ve had to open my door and look reality full in the face.  I was only slightly prepared and accepting it or not is no longer and option but a necessity.

I’ve had to realize that at some point, bounding out of bed in the morning will not be an option.  That one day I may be dependent on someone else to make sure my daily needs are attended to.  That everything about my independence that I took for granted will poof like a soap bubble in the wind.  That my dignity may be compromised.  That seeing, hearing, walking, talking, dancing, typing, and even thinking will no longer be effortless.

It will help, I know, to have a good attitude.  To have loving family and friends around to help me get by.  Good eating habits and exercise may prolong the process and maybe make it less painful or more manageable.  But only that.  There’s no escaping the end result.

I’m not sure how you deal with this, or if you’ve even had to.  But we’re all in this together and even though it’s a very personal thing, it’s something we all have to face at some point.  I have my own thoughts and feelings about what comes after and those will be my comfort and my salvation, if you will.  But you have to move from Point A to Point B and it’s not exactly a downhill slide in the sense that it’s going to be easy.  Reality isn’t exactly a smooth paved path.

Forgive me if  I’m seeming all dire and morbid.  It’s simply where I am right now.  I didn’t want to open that door.  I was content enough to just take things day by day, putting one foot in front of the other and reminding myself to exhale every so often.

I will come to terms with it all at some point.  I won’t like it and I’ll fight it with every cell in my body and every neuron in my little brain.  But right now, it’s too fresh.  Too frightening and too claustrophobic.  I just had to get this out, carrying it around was wearing me out.  I have too much else to do.  And a time frame that’s shrinking a little every day.


It’s hard to believe how much time has passed.   A prayer going out to everyone who lost a friend or loved one that day…


Today coming home from work, I noticed a very old man sitting on his front porch.  He was withered and pale and looked a little shell-shocked and as I turned to look at him something moved inside me.  I admired what it may have taken for him to be there.  All the events of his day leading up to that moment in time… Who washed the clothes he was wearing and prepared his lunch?  Was it difficult for him to get out of his bed this morning?  Had he watched the news and what did it stir inside him?  What did he think about the cars whizzing past his house driven by much younger people in a hurry to get to the gym or the grocery store… What kind of life had he led?  Did he have family and friends to love and be loved by?  Maybe an old dog asleep beside him on the porch…  Had someone called him today to make sure he was doing ok…  Had he fought in a war or been injured or lost friends or won medals?  Had he ever been in love?  What was his favorite TV show?  Did he play hooky from school ever?

Was he happy or ravaged with regrets?  I could not tell from his expression.  He was just there.  His gaze revealed nothing to me at all. His posture could have been effortless or painful. I could not tell.  His elbows rested on the arms of his chair and his hands were folded on his lap.  For all I know he could have been sitting there, expecting someone like me to notice him and his sole purpose was to give no indication of his condition.  Maybe that’s how he gets his kicks.  Or maybe he was defying me.  I’ll never know.  Or that crazy part of me could become obsessed to the point of marching up to his door and demanding to know his name and life story.  Not likely.

Now, after having tossing these thoughts around in my head, I can’t help but feel a deep respect for this man.  Simply because he was there.  And what he’s endured.  Some might think, yes, but maybe he was a bad man.  Maybe he was the meanest s.o.b. on the block.  If that were the case, I would curse the events in his life that caused it.  No one is born bad or mean.  We have choices, yes, but who’s to say…

I will look at that house every day now for a couple of weeks to see if he’s sitting there.  If he is, I will give him a name.  I will start to notice if he’s wearing the same clothes, if he’s sitting in the same chair.  I will be concerned if he’s not there.  I will catch myself after a time and realize that I’d forgotten to look for him for several days.  Before much more time passes I will forget about him.  Maybe years from now something will trigger the memory of the image of him as I saw him today.

One day I could become him,  sitting alone on my little porch watching the world go by… a prisoner of my thoughts in a fragile and aged body.  Will anyone notice?


Starlight (Muse) – piano version

His birthday is today, April 22.  He’s got a website now and I feel honored to have been invited to join there.  It’s a pretty fun place.  Consider becoming a member.

Happy Birthday, Ago!

PS I forgot to remind you to look at the Moon and Venus this morning. I hope you remembered!




Today was beautiful.  I have this feeling of Hope and Promise.  Like maybe everything is going to be okay.  I want to hold on to this feeling forever.


…in the book.

Yesterday I put my rant post up here on my PC.  Fired up the laptop for a test run (cause that just seemed like a good idea to me hahaha) and Voila! My post came up with a little box that instructed me to enter the password and my post came up without a hitch.  Then I came on here this morning to find a comment from our good friend Michael + that said “Hate to tell you this but the password doesn’t work.

You know what?  F*** It.  I quit.  My ego can’t take any more of this letting a machine make me feel incompetent and stupid.  Besides, there’s enough big ugly stuff happening in the world right now that makes my rant seem trivial and insignificant anyway.  I’ll just rock up and swallow it.

I’m going to go get lost in my iTunes, maybe some Facebook and a couple games of Solitare and pretend WordPress doesn’t exist for awhile.  You all have a good day.

Update: seems that the password works okay after all for some… hmmn. Not sure what that’s about…


Well, it looks like I’ve gone and done it.

“What?”  you ask?  I forgot about THIS.  And I feel like such a loser.  Thanks for reminding me, y’all.

Which reminds me, I have towels in the dryer that need folding.  So I’ll make this fast…

I have part one of my rant finished.  I just need to do a test run on the password protect thing.  I keep figuring it out and then I come on here and I’m clueless all over again.  M+ explained it to me in an email. I guess I need to go read it again.  After I do my towels.

Give me a couple days and then come back.  Ok?  Bye.  In the mean time, here are some ugly pictures of my grandkids for you to scream and run from.

Here’s Andrew Wyatt, who’s two years old.

Andrew Wyatt

This is Madeline Grace, soon to be four.

Maddie Grace

And this is Julian Michael, my hero. He’s nine, going on twenty.



The Airborne Toxic Event

The Airborne Toxic Event

(photo courtesy of jeff koga @ kcrw)

Was distressed to find this in my mail the other day from one of my truly best bands, the Airborne Toxic Event.  I have tickets to see them tomorrow night so I was concerned…

hello there —

This sucks, we know. Unfortunately, we find ourselves in the humbling position of having to cancel our next TWO shows in Lawrence (Feb 25) and Des Moines (Feb 26). Our singer Mikel’s laryngitis, coupled with a bad throat infection that’s actually paralyzed part of his vocal cords, has forced us to postpone these shows indefinitely. Since rescheduling our last three shows (Boise, Salt Lake City, and Denver) for April, we’ve padded the end of our tour to such an extent that we’ve simply run out of time. This isn’t easy to announce, nor is it really a decision as much as it is a physical reality that we’re trying to deal with the best way that we can.
This past week has been very worrying for us, and we hope we haven’t terribly inconvenienced you or let anyone down.
We know there’s been a huge amount of support in both of these cities—more than we could hope for—and we promise we’ll make it up to you. We’ll definitely be back in the fall and hopefully before then.


Noah, Steven, Mikel, Daren, and Anna
The Airborne Toxic Event

I’ve been checking sites and discussion boards like crazy for the past few days and it seems that they played a show on 2/28, they’re in Columbus tonight and barring any unforeseen vocal tragedies circumstances, they will be in Pittsburgh tomorrow night.  (That’s Mikel, first on the left in the pic above)

There is a cute apology video on their MySpace page (to the cities where they had to cancel shows) if you’d like to watch it.

Since I became a fan of TATE’s music, PD has become quite a fanatic about them.  He’s decided to go to the show despite all his misgivings.  You see, he has a rough time in enclosed places where there is a lot of noise due to his Meniere’s.  The way the club is set up, more like a bar than a theatre, he’ll be able to get as far as he needs to from the speakers.  I’m just hoping and praying that he’ll be able to enjoy the show, it means a lot to him.  I’m anxious for him to see that I wasn’t fibbing about how nice and personable they are to their fans.

So I’m hoping, being that the show has not been cancelled and that Mikel is recovered, that we don’t get ten feet of snow.  It could happen.  Ask Tennesee.  And Alabama.  And all them there other states down ‘ere.


I was too tired last night to do much of anything so I snuggled up in bed and turned on the TV when I couldn’t fall asleep.  I started to watch 20/20 and was lying there in tears watching.  It was all about really poor people in the Appalachians who spent what little money they had on drugs to get them through.  It was appalling. Most of their kids were raised on Mountain Dew and their teeth had rotted by the time they were teenagers.

Before I got through the whole show, I had a toothache that had me on the verge of tears, itself, and I was convinced that the reason so many of the people in Appalachia were addicted to Oxycontin was because of the pain they must have endured with toothaches most of their lives.  I think I would have spent my last $120 on some last night…

At any rate, I didn’t get much sleep.  And I have some advice for y’all.  If you ever resort to treating a toothache with Ora gel, keep in mind as you’re slathering it on your tooth and gums, that if you happen to swallow any of it, it numbs your throat and then you can’t go to sleep because you’re afraid you’ll choke to death in your sleep.

So I spent the better part of the morning today at the dentist’s office having some temporary shit dental work done.  Then I spent a couple of hours thrift store shopping just because I could.  Then I came home and ate a sandwich and have spent the entire rest of the day on YouTube and buying music on iTunes.

Now it’s almost 6pm and I have nothing to show for my day.  I think we’ll order pizza for dinner and watch a movie tonight.  Something sweet and romantic in honor of St. Valentine.

Speaking of,  we got some wonderful homemade Valentines  today in the mail from the grandkids.  What a way to put a smile on your face on a dreary February snoozy day. 😀