Category Archives: humor

How’s Your Day?

So the phone rings earlier. The real phone. I cringe like I always do. But I answer it anyway.
A man named Danielle (I swear) says he’s with Window’s something or other. His English is so sketchy I can barely understand what he is saying.
“Do you have computah?”
And I think, I don’t have time for this nonsense so I say “I do not.”
Couple seconds of silence.
“Do you have laptop?” Sounded like he said “Le Pop” so I say “Pardon me?” and he repeats it. I say, “No, I don’t.”
So he says “What do you have?” I’m tempted to say “I have a vibrator” but I do not. I figure if I say I have a smartphone, I’ll be on the line longer, so I say, “I have a cellphone.”
Danielle (?) chuckles and says, “Oh my gootness!” and then there’s a couple seconds of silence, another chuckle and then a click.

A Little Mid-Week Trauma

I may have told you on FB or Twitter that I’ve been seeing a chiropractor on a bi-weekly basis.  I’m supposing that this is the result of working too long in one position.  (So much for ergonomics.  Whatever…)

Anyway.  I was making noticeable progress. The day of my initial visit, I had woken up feeling like I could barely move my neck.  I felt like my whole clavicle was out of whack and the pain was making me nauseous.  I called off work that day, called the chiropractor and his lovely receptionist uttered those miraculous words, “How soon can you be here?”  That was roughly 3 weeks ago.

By this past Monday I was feeling quite human once again.  I’ve gotten in the habit of moving gracefully as opposed to using any quick, jerky movements to give my neck a nice rest and to let it enjoy it’s new “home.”  Read: where it’s supposed to be, as in no place like

And then… picture it.  I’m cleaning up my work area in the clean room at work.  I’ve been training another girl to do a job that I used to do.  It’s time for her to put information in the system and I am walking toward her to make sure she’s doing it right.  In the mean time, there is another girl, a big girl (and if I say she weighs in the neighborhood of 300+ pounds, I am not exaggerating) standing off to the side of my path.  Suddenly, the big girl steps backward, directly into me, knocking me off balance.  Before I realize what’s happening, I’m careening toward trainer girl.  Rather than crash down on her, I throw out my left arm to grab the edge of her desk to catch myself.  Hindsight being as they say 20-20, I may have been better off just crashing down on top of trainer girl.

I not only jarred my left wrist but I twisted my neck and spine (at the waist) when I caught myself.  Reading this, it sounds worse than it actually was.  It’s just that after having no less than six or seven adjustments, I now feel like everything the chiropractor has done has been un-done.  Right this minute I have ice on my wrist (new injury) and heat on my shoulders.  I imagine that in a day or two I will feel fine.  I’m due for my next adjustment on Monday evening.

I imagine the whole scene looked rather comical to a bystander.  There is me, a scrawny little 118 pounds bouncing off the back end of the big person.  It all happened so fast, I wasn’t entirely sure what hit me until the big person said, “Are you ok? I didn’t see you there.”  I’m thinking, obviously.

It’s difficult to relate this without sounding a certain way.  But there are physics in play here and it happened.  My own personal thought is that when you have a body, big or small, you tend to have a feel for the space you inhabit.  Apparently that is not always the case and accidents do happen.

On a loosely related note,  the same day I witnessed a woman very nearly get struck by a truck about 50 feet away from me.  Oddly enough, while her heart may have suffered more of a jolt than mine, she’s probly relaxing comfortably right now.

This is where I’m supposed to write the wrap-up with some intelligible thought to tie it all together and make some profound conclusion or something, right?  I don’t know what that would be.  I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time like the lady who stepped in front of the truck, thinking it would stop for her.  She may have simply used poor judgement.  I maybe should have anticipated the possibility that the big girl wasn’t going to stand where she was indefinitely and that she had no idea I was behind her.  It’s not as if I’d assumed she was equipped with a beeping back-up alarm because that would just be ridiculous.  But I will tell you that until this aching reminder wears off, I will be a bit more cautious when anyone approaches MY SPACE.  lol  I totally didn’t see that coming either!  ah ha ha.

The End.

(ps. yes, of course  i know that myspace is totally yesterday’s news)

GOTTA WATCH THIS!

OK Go – This Too Shall Pass – RGM version

LEFT HOLDING A PELT

I thought they were called Suicide Bunnies but it seems I was mistaken.  They are Bunny Suicides by Andy Riley and they are hilarious.  It’s sick as heck when you really think about it but these bunnies are not only determined to cross over, they are total geniuses when it comes to finding a a gazillion different ways.

I came across some of the comics quite awhile ago and I may have mentioned them here.  It was hard to find anyone else who’d heard of them.  And yeah, they looked at me kind of funny when I would say how hilarious it is to watch innocent, cute little bunnies trying to off themselves.

So yesterday when I was Christmas shopping I saw that they have a calendar out.  I would have bought it for someone or myself but it seemed kind of pricey for only twelve scenarios.  (Yes, I am cheap, but you knew that already.)  Now if it had been a daily desk calendar, I’d have paid more for it and I’d be wrapping a few of them for the crazy people I know.  And I’d have to have one myself.  Here is one of my favorites:

Check them out if you haven’t.  Judging by the collective sense of humor of (most of) my readership, I feel safe in saying that you’ll laugh pretty good. I couldn’t find a link that wasn’t to someone’s  blog,  and this was the best one I found, so I must give credit to Mr. Jimmy Ruska for his compilation, here.

SMOOTH WALKEN

Fat Boy Slim – Weapon of Choice

(Thanks to Bella via FB for finding this)

ZE LABOR DAY LAUGH

Who’s very, very funny, ridiculously intelligent and cute as heck too??

Click here to find out.

Hope you’re having a happy and safe Labor Day weekend, y’all.

WEDNESDAY FUNNY

Recently I read a silly thing about how you can find out what your porn name is.  To find your first name, you use the name of your first pet.  To find your last name, you use the name of the street you live on.  At the risk of being hunted down and killed by a stalker, I will tell you that my porn name is Buffy Hancock. Which I thought was pretty funny until I had this conversation with my three lunch buddies at work on Friday.  They are Debbie and Dave and Josh.  They don’t read here but I don’t think they’ll mind me telling you their porn names.  They will henceforth be known as Sheba Longfellow, Benjie Armstrong and ~

(this was hilarious…)

Josh is very quiet.  He seldom initiates conversation but participates when he has something to contribute.  The other three of us each shared our names and laughed until we were all near tears.  In the mean time, Josh was sitting there frowning and looking as though he was trying to figure something out.

“Well, Josh,”  I said, “Time to fess up.  What’s your porn name?”  Very seriously, with not even a trace of a smile on his face, he announced, “Midnight Pump Station.”  We lost it.  As soon as he realized the hilarity of what he’d said, he busted up too.  We laughed for a solid five minutes.  And every time we thought of it for the rest of the day.

TUESDAY FUNNY

Before I get on to the funny stuff, I need to tell y’all that on Sunday the neighbor used the word “echo”  in a conversation we were having (which I forget, but I was looking at a pile of river rocks when she said it.  Ok, maybe I wasn’t really paying attention.  My bad.)  And then last night Michael, the son, was sitting here and we were talking about movies and he said “echo.”  Maybe the lapse is over and the echoes have started to reverberate once again.  That was a triple redundant sentence, did you catch it catch it catch it?

So the other night after I went to bed,  there was an awesome Moon.  PD knows how much I love awesome Moons and he took some pictures so that I could see it.  He told me they didn’t come out well.  Just a little while ago I was clearing off some random papers from the dining room table when I came across a photograph depicting four shots of what I thought were pictures of the Moon that PD had taken.

stones_1

Turned out to be pictures of my kidney stone.  (I made it small because they’re gross.)

THANKS, ZEFRANK

I laughed, and if TC finds the time to come around he will too.  As for the rest of you,  you might want to pass on this one.

FRIDAY FUNNY

Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Video Version

Put this on full screen mode for full effect.  I laughed my butt off.

(Thanks PB, that was the best chocolate chip cookie I ever ate…)