Some of my angst is a result of conflicting emotions. That’s nothing new for me, I can remember feeling “torn” for most of my life. One of the reasons I have such a hard time making decisions is that because most of the time I can see both sides of every issue. It’s hard for me to take sides for the same reason. If you read my Pisces profile (HERE’S MY SIGN) you are aware that Pisces is kind of a conglomeration of all the other signs. There are a few things that I feel strongly about (injustice, prejudice of any kind, inconsideration, to name a few) but on many things I find myself maintaining a neutral stance, simply because I understand the good and bad points of both sides.
When I was growing up I had several groups of friends and they were at opposite ends of whatever spectrum you might assign them to. I had friends who were considered academic or intellectuals. I had my”arty” friends. I had rowdy friends. I had religious friends and (I hesitate to use this word, but…) friends who were considered “misfits”. I was completely comfortable in each of those groups. They all “fed” different aspects of my personality. I didn’t identify more with one group or another. At different times during the day or week or year, I gravitated more here or there depending on my moods or what I was interested in at the time. (Or how much babysitting money I had saved up…)
Still today, if you would gather my closest and near-closest friends and put them in a room together, I’m hard pressed to say what could take place. The only thing they could really claim to have in common would be me. Looking around the room, you would see a group including, but not limited to; at least one teacher, nurse, retiree, engineer, alcoholic, computer geek, hair stylist, world traveler, chef, cashier, actor, college professor, pilot, stay-at-home-mom, receptionist, cancer survivor, poet, musician, smart-ass, biker, bible reader, college student. Some of those are the same person, I’m just illustrating their collective diversity. Some believe in God, some don’t. Some are white, some are female, some are half my age. I’m not even going to attempt to include online friends that I have yet to meet in the flesh. Or family members I like to hang with. Now there’s another diverse bunch…
But anyway. I’m always into different stuff. I never end up completely submerging myself to a point where I would be able to say, “Yes, I’m an expert on this,” or “You can ask me anything about that.” It’s frustrating. And sometimes I completely wear myself out bouncing back and forth between A and B. Not only is my attention span lacking, I get bored easily and find myself moving on to something else.
There is an upside to this weirdness that I call my personality. I know at least a little about a lot of things. I can honestly say that if I find myself amidst a bunch of strangers, I can always find something to start up a conversation and hold up my end for a little while anyway. I’m usually okay until someone starts talking about current events or politics or television or sports and then I’m at a distinct disadvantage. It rough… most adult conversations center around those very subjects.
My ex-brother-in-law once gave me one of my favorite compliments. He said to me, “You know, we could take you anywhere and you would fit in.” The more I thought about it the more it meant to me.
But sometimes lately I’m thinking, yeah, that’s great, but maybe I would rather fit just one place and be content there for a very long time.