Just logged in here and was surprised to see that my winter settings from last year have kicked in. I don’t think I was using this header photo last year. Otherwise I would have noticed that it looks like I’m having a dandruff problem.
For me, the start of a new year always involves some level of self-examination. My intention is to examine my conscience and determine where there is room for improvement. I intend to take a look at my experiences through the past year, my victories and my struggles. Ideally, I would build on what worked and put some strategies in place to help avoid the inevitable rough spots in the future. In years past, this exercise usually amounts to nothing more than a quick debate in my head about whether or not to bother making resolutions. The typical ones come up… Eat healthier, exercise more, stop procrastinating and quit smoking. I’ve made those year after year and something in me just refuses to take the list seriously. The procrastinator in me believes that I will take those things more seriously next year. I won’t kid you into believing that this year will be any different. I should add stop being stubborn to the list. But that would add more pressure and just one more thing to put off for another day…
There’s also the outward examination. I look in the mirror. This exercise is becoming more painful as time passes.
I see the beginnings of wrink (ok, who am I kidding?) I see the wrinkles deepening around my eyes and mouth . The gray hair taking over and the results of Mr. Gravity wreaking havoc on the rest of me. The freckles on the backs of my hands aren’t freckles anymore (how does that happen?) It takes me a little longer to bound out of bed in the morning and I don’t run up and down the steps as I always have. “Things” aren’t so firm and toned. My skin requires constant hydrating to prevent it from taking on alligator characteristics… I have to constantly remind myself to stand up straight. It’s wearing me out!
Yeah, it’s bleak. And if you’re behind me in age, I apologize if I’m scaring you to death. But it’s a fact of life and it is frightening and I’m smack-dab in the middle of a panic. I see so many women my age who seem to be just fine with where they are in life. Of course, they’ve dyed the gray away in their hair. Maybe they go to the gym faithfully. Maybe they’ve had or are contemplating tummy-tucks and some facial reconstruction. Maybe they’ve already experienced my panic and chose to take steps to fix things. Maybe they just don’t care.
The experiences my mom has endured this past year has forced me to look at my own stuff in a way I never have. When I look at her, I see me in the future and I get panicky. I don’t wanna be frail. I don’t wanna depend on other people to do things for me. I don’t want to become bitter. I don’t want to become bitter. More than anything I don’t want to become bitter.
This might be the year that I change things. Time is going to pass no matter what. Aging is inevitable. We’re born, we live, we die. But I don’t want to become bitter.
Let me say that I hate this post. It’s not what I wanted to say but I’m trying to work through this. It’s giving me a hard time and I can’t hold it in.
Soon I will post my 2010 Top 10 or 25 or 40 Favorite Songs of the Year. But today I want to pay tribute to my Numero Uno, Paul Westerberg.
Paul’s birthday is today. He was born in 1959. He is my idol, my hero and has influenced my musical taste more than any other musician. Ever. His lyrics are amazing, the likes of which I have rarely found. His musical talent puts me in awe.
That’s all I really have to say. But on the off chance that he’s reading here,
Paul Westerberg, I wish you a Wonderful Birthday.
Your Oldest and Most Devoted Fan,
Me. Named after your song,
One Wink at a Time XXXOOO
I like this only slightly more than my last attempt at finding a new look for my blog. It’s becoming clear to me that trying to customize someone else’s idea of how a blog should look isn’t working for me. I truly wish I had the tools (read: smarts) to design and present you with the Real Me blog. There’s one more item to add to my Bucket List : )
On another note and in the same creative vein, PD and I are hard at work trying to get our living room redone in time for the holidays. I must say, it’s looking pretty good. The living room, I mean… not necessarily meeting the deadline. It’s becoming clear to me that some other holiday preps are going to suffer due to the time it’s taking… things like gifts and wrapping and baking and things. The carpet is due to be installed on December 2nd so that doesn’t leave much time for putting up the tree and decorations. BUT this pretty much happens to me every year, one thing or another puts a crimp in my time frame. And just like every year, it will all get done and the Holiday WILL happen and we will be grateful for times spent with the family and all the joy that entails.
In the mean time, if any of you have any free time laying around, you’re more than welcome to deposit it into my bank. Every single second will be greatly appreciated. Remember, the real Joy is in the Giving : ) Kthxbai.
Robert Francis – Junebug – taratata
Confession: I have an old-fashioned school girl crush on Robert Francis. I’ve been listening to this song for ages and never get tired of it. First I fell in love with the song. Then when I saw what he looked like, I was all, like, WOW. Sure, he’s a little wee bit scruffy but I picture him clean-shaven with a haircut wearing boots and a long coat kind of like this. So maybe you can understand the appeal. Anyway, I was excited as heck when the official video came out for Junebug. I had already made up kind of a movie in my head. Now I found the live version of the song and yeah. Oh yeah. It’s official. Paul Westerberg and PD have nothing to worry about but I REALLY like Robert Francis. And OMG when he says “Merci beau coup” at the end, je vais cuckoo. (Il me faut un docteur.) Il est chaud!
As you may know, I have a birthday coming up this weekend. I’ve compiled a little of my own birthday trivia for your amusement…
- I was born on Albert Einstein’s birthday. And although Robert Francis and Paul Westerberg and Gael Garcia-Bernal and PD all hold places (varying degrees) of importance in my heart, Albert is my hero. (As is TC)
- My birthday is pi. (3.14) This is kind of a new development, but I now celebrate my birthday along with, or should I say, in conjunction withSteak and BJ day. I’m quite anxious to hear your humorous, yet tasteful, comments about this…
- I also share my birthday with Michael Caine and Liza Minelli. I’m sure there are others but I grew up knowing of these two.
- I am Piscean and that means I’m about as cool as you can get, not to mention impractical, intuitive and mysterious. But you knew that.
Ok, these bullets totally screwed up and I can’t fix them because I’m a Pisces and I don’t give a sh** because I don’t.
PS I got a comment that is, for all intents and purposes, spam. But I left it on my sidebar because it made me laugh like hell. It’s Mr. Fordinsnorkel or something to that effect. Look over there in my side bar, read what he wrote and click on his name and prepare to LOL.
Update: Mr. Spam has decided to vacate the premises. Imagine that. Maybe I dreamed him up…
(If you came here looking for anything slightly resembling humor, encouragment, enlightenment or something of merit, do yourself a favor and shoot yourself in the foot instead. Consider yourself warned.)
I noticed recently that the fact that I’m feeling very restless and unmotivated could very well be the direct result of not having written much here in the past months. Too much baggage in mah head. I’ve totally lost sight of the reason I started blogging in the first place. This therapeutic cleansing of the clutter clogging up my skull was the coolest cure I could come up with. (check out the alliteration, literary bitches!) And I’m still not exactly sure why I’ve quit slowed down to almost a trickle. Yeah, I’m addicted to the instant gratification and the convenience (not the word I want) of places like Facebook. It’s quick and easy to jot off a few words off the top of my head a few times a day as opposed to sitting in front of this BIG white box screaming at me to fill with whatever is swimming around in my brain. I come here at random intervals and am filled with a compassion much like sitting facing an old dear friend who says nothing but whose eyes are filled with a look of questioning. I’m not sure what my friend needs or wants me to say and not sure what I’m willing to share. Maybe not so much willing but wondering if what I have to say is what the friend wants to hear. Is this what writer’s block feels like? I’ve been blogging nine months short of 5 years and don’t recall ever being at a loss for blog fodder. That really doesn’t sound like such a long time. In reality, though, it has felt like such a big part of my life for so long that it seems much longer.
This could also be explained by the fact that my life feels to be at a standstill. The winter thing… not just the season of the year but nearing the “winter” stage of my life. Many things that have happened during the last year or so have forced me to slow down, made it necessary for me to let go of some “things” that kept me going full force. We all age. Normally it’s so gradual that we barely notice the changes. Being that I’ve never been one to do things in a normal way, (and not always by choice) it so happens that my “gradual” was more of an instantaneous thing. Not that it happened overnight, of course. A bunch of events occurring and overlapping created a kind of chain reaction which resulted in a kind of head-on collison. Much like a snowball rolling down a hill into a brick wall. Working all that gawdawful overtime for so long caused me to get behind on so many things and that shit doesn’t just go away. It accumulates and that glob becomes a mighty big monster. And working long hours for a year without good sleep takes a toll on a body. I’m not even going to address how it affects one’s state of mind. It’s all connected. Throw in a broken bone, a kidney stone and a drop in income (post OT) and see that glob monster? It still doesn’t go away. Then, gloriously, up pops a major holiday that you’re not entirely prepared for but welcome the festivities for the mental and emotional boost it provides. Then the holiday is gone like the wind and what you’re left with is basically, a big mess, a financial dent and an empty quiet house. Which I could handle, as I do every year except that this year there’s an added anti-bonus. A ton of snow and little or no sushine. (my other god.) So if you’re reading this and “seeing” me devoid of most of what I need to get by, your picture is accurate.
Okay, so I’m experiencing a low point. Maybe I just miss my kids. Maybe I am just completely pissed at myself for lighting a cigarette after 6 days of cold turkey. Maybe I simply need a new haircut. Maybe I can’t force myself to take down my Christmas tree. (I know…) Maybe I need medicated. Maybe I wish that was me snowboarding in the Olympics. Maybe I should replace my favorite jeans that are falling apart. Maybe I should just shut up.
(I hope none of this shows on my face. I have to get my driver’s license photo taken in the morning. Ha!)
(I kinda stole this from two of my favorite Valentines, Daily Piglet and David Letterman)
So I got up this morning (didn’t wanna) and got ready for work, intermittently watching the bottom of the TV screen, taking stock of school closings, etc. to try and determine the condition of the roads for the trip to work. It didn’t seem too awful bad. Got the car out of the garage and headed first to the post office to mail something. The hill from our house to “town” was a little slick and slushy. It was snowing still. As I was leaving the post office, I took these things into consideration and thought of the possibility that, with the additional snow and the low temperature, things would more likely get worse than better. I promptly turned toward home and went there. Came here, whatever. I called off work and am now truly enjoying my morning coffee instead of guzzling it.
And I’m actually posting. Imagine that. It’s Friday and cold and snowing and I’m staying home and happy about it.
Incidentally, if you haven’t read my previous post and clicked on the Runaway Dorothy links, please do. Dave has enlisted my assistance in getting some PR underway for the band. I vowed to do what I could. The rest is up to you.
PD and I had a wonderful Holiday. Lots of family around to make merry with, tons of great food and yummy junk, lovely gifts, vacation from work. All around great times. May post some pictures soon if I find the time.
A few months ago I came across a place to get my old blog published. I deeply loved that old blog while I just have a passing fondness for this one. My writing here is for crap and my posting is sporadic at best. But I have a deep fear of the internet disappearing one day and losing all that I’d written on Old One Wink at a Time so I decided to get it printed. It finally came in the mail day before yesterday and I was thrilled. Like a dear old friend came to visit.
Let me tell you about Blog2Print, a division of SharedBook Inc. The actual process of putting the book together was fairly easy. You’re able to design your cover and choose if you’d rather have hard back or a soft cover. If I remember correctly there is a set price for each and if you have more pages than they specify, you are charged a set price per additional page. At the time I placed my order, they were offering free shipping and that was a welcome discount. If you love your blog as much as I do, I highly recommend looking into getting it printed. If you have any questions, I’ll be glad to answer. I have lots more to say about it but that would take at least an entire post and I have some mail to answer and some time off to enjoy. And I could do some shoveling, but hey.
PS I just noticed that Blog2Print always offers free shipping… yay!
I did. And more about that later. But right now I’m in the mood to convert some fans. “Oh no,” you’re saying, “Linda’s on one of her recruiting binges…”
Yeah, well, that’s my prerogative and if you don’t wanna play along, you don’t haf’ta. But when this guy (and band) gets all rich and famous one day, you’ll say, “Linda said he/they would.” And I believe that he/they will. Just like I told you about Airborne Toxic Event. Well, they’re getting there.
You see, I forget what day Dave Parnell of Runaway Dorothy started his endeavor exactly but he’s given himself nine weeks to become a Rock Star. You can read all about his aspirations here. I’m embarrassed to say that I can’t recall where I heard Runaway Dorothy for the first time. That’s one of the downsides to listening to the volume of music that I’m accustomed to. Just like Airborne Toxic Event. I wish to hell I could remember the first time I heard Sometime Around Midnight. (Notice the 432,192 views of their vid!)
The really cool thing about Runaway Dorothy is that they are SO good that they made me listen to music that’s not even my style. It doesn’t fit a category (in my opinion) and I tend toward that kind of music and make my own category but I’m having to dig deep to find one for these guys. Dave Parnell, the future rock star that I have a huge, but manageable crush on (Surprise Dave! I bet you couldn’t tell…) describes their sound best when he says they, and I quote, “Sound like a blend of coldplay, bob and jakob dylan.” You can hear their music here. I especially love Abilene and Chases and Caulfield.
I am the lucky owner of their cd The Arc (which is autographed as you can see in the second photo) as well as an awesome Tshirt (ditto that.) I can hardly wait for summer to come because I can’t think of a better way to spend a warm night sitting on my swing listening to their music and wearin’ mah shirt.
Now, as soon as Dave gets back to me with permission to post this, I’ll put it up.
And if he doesn’t, I’m gonna anyway cause he’s not my boss. *wink wink* Unless of course I’ve talked him into letting me be a paid groupie roadie by now.
I was prompted by our friend, Michael
, to put a post up in honor of the Christmas Holiday that most of us will be celebrating. Of course I had planned to get this up sooner or later… Being that today is Christmas Eve, I would have gotten to it sometime today. But thanks, Michael.
I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and to remind you of The Reason for the Season. Let us remember that we are celebrating the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. I love to picture that Beautiful Little Baby nestled in the manger.