Blog Archives

100 THINGS

  1. I had my tonsils taken out in third grade. I was mad for a week.
  2. I am 5’7″ tall and weigh 125 pounds. Solid muscle. Not.
  3. I have been married twice. The first time for 15 years. This time for 9, so far. (Will be 10 years on June 17)
  4. I have 2 grown-up kids, Michael and Jennifer.
  5. I have worked for the same company for 14 years.
  6. I am a Pisces, and a true one at that.
  7. I tend to lose interest in things frighteningly easily.
  8. I have not been bored in years.
  9. I am not a regular television viewer. Nor irregular, actually. I do make exceptions for Jeopardy, FHV and SNL if the music guest is good.
  10. I tend to have a hard time comprehending things that do not interest me. (ie. sports, mathematics, politics)
  11. I have an Associate Degree in Visual Communications.
  12. Which is fairly worthless considering my line of work. And my income.
  13. I was raised Catholic. I am presently retired from that ordeal.
  14. My birthday is March 14, 19something.
  15. I have one sister and four brothers. All younger than me.
  16. I failed my driver’s test the first time for going too fast in a school zone.
  17. My lucky number is 17.
  18. I have been in love several times.
  19. Teal, on the green side, is my favorite color.
  20. I could not live without music.
  21. I have three grandchildren. Julian, Madeline and Andrew. They are amazing.
  22. I do not have any pets. I do, however, have a stuffed partridge which lives in a Victorian birdcage in my dining room.
  23. I have a collection of teddy bears.
  24. I collect too many things.
  25. I collect old compacts. Not cars, silly. The things that have powder in them.
  26. I collect postcards, hankies, marbles, and other assorted old stuff.
  27. I only have one tattoo. It’s near my right hip. It’s a chameleon. (Get it?)
  28. I have three piercings in my right ear, one in my left.
  29. My father died from cancer in 1998. I miss him.
  30. I once had a dog named Mooch and a cat named Mose.
  31. I drive a 2003 Pearl white Toyota Avalon.
  32. My best friend’s name is Kate.
  33. I don’t use sugar.
  34. I eat very little red meat.
  35. I do not like sushi. I tried numerous times.
  36. I wear glasses and contacts. But not at the same time. I’m blind without one or the other. I wear a close-up lens in my right eye and a far-away lens in my left eye. They work together like bi-focals. It’s called mono-vision or something.
  37. I love to cook.
  38. I detest baking.
  39. It’s hard for me to sit still.
  40. I own too many shoes, purses and coats.
  41. I played the clarinet for a year or so in elementary school.
  42. Bono is someone I greatly admire.
  43. My handwriting changes frequently.
  44. I must have my toilet tissue positioned so the end is under the roll.
  45. I cannot sleep in flannel pajamas.
  46. I drive with both feet. Brake, left. Gas, right.
  47. I love the Sunday NY Times crossword puzzle.
  48. I’m not good at riddles. Maybe because I hate them.
  49. I have a terrible singing voice. My mother agrees.
  50. I don’t like numbers but especially not odd numbers.
  51. I am hopelessly addicted to cigarettes and blogging.
  52. Although at present time I am more addicted to cigarettes than blogging. That fluctuates according to my mood state of mind.
  53. I like to make up words and I do it oftenly.
  54. I usually am reading several books at one time. Which is why it takes me so long to finish a book.
  55. I pray alot. But I also offer thanks on a regular basis.
  56. I love to wrap presents. With real paper, real tape and real ribbon.
  57. When God was passing out common sense, I thought he said “incontinence.” I said “No, thanks.”
  58. I have a ridiculous number of cds. I need to count them one day.
  59. I also have a high number of songs in my iTunes. Why don’t they count them for me?
  60. Coffee is my favorite flavor of ice cream and yogurt.
  61. I could eat seafood all day, every day.
  62. Coors Light gives me a wicked headache.
  63. I have lived in only two states. Pennsylvania and West Virginia.
  64. I have very vivid memories of living in WV. I was only 3 or 4 years old.
  65. I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night.
  66. My intentions are good 99.9% of the time. Despite how it may seem.
  67. I think a receding hairline on a man is sexy. And a manicure as well.
  68. I don’t dye my hair.
  69. < That is the sign for Pisces.
  70. My favorite cake flavor is chocolate. With peanut butter icing.
  71. Cherry may be my favorite kind of pie. But I also like pecan.
  72. I love Brussell sprouts and turtle soup. And sardines.
  73. I do not care for salmon cakes, anchovies or peaches from a can.
  74. You could not pay me to eat limburger cheese. Spellcheck says I’m spelling that wrong but I hate it so much, I don’t care.
  75. I sleep with way too many pillows.
  76. I can recite most of the dialogue from The Breakfast Club.
  77. I am a chronic list-maker. They are usually not this lengthy.
  78. I love to entertain. Guests. In my home.
  79. I have never watched Lost, American Idol or Dancing With the Stars. I will survive.
  80. While I am happy to be female, I would love to see what it feels like to be a man for awhile.
  81. Barbie was my favorite toy as a child.
  82. I lost interest in this list quite awhile ago.
  83. Unfinished projects leave me feeling anxious and unfulfilled.
  84. Self-control is something I severely lack.
  85. I once won a dance contest.
  86. I’m terrified of Karaoke.
  87. I would like to publish a novel one day. Or write a book. That’s what I meant.
  88. I can write backwards and upside down (simultaneously) in cursive.
  89. I can cross one eye. Either eye.
  90. But I can’t do a cartwheel.
  91. My sarcasm has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion.
  92. I have a hard time learning from my mistakes.
  93. I am a morning person and a night person. The earlier the better and the later, the better. Sometimes they are the same thing.
  94. Sometimes I am torn between having a good time and acting like a lady.
  95. I love to fall asleep listening to rain on the roof.
  96. I spend too much time contemplating “what might have been.”
  97. Given the chance to live my life over (knowing what I know now) I would kick some serious ass.
  98. I want to visit Paris one day. I would like to learn French first.
  99. I like hiccups. Unless I’m trying to eat.
  100. I don’t believe you read all these things.

WHELMED, BUT NOT OVERLY

Been praying a lot. Been hiding (figuratively) a lot. Went to bed at 7pm last night. Work was trying today. Not so much the work, just being there. I wanted to be home and comfortable and, you know. Just Home.

My basic personality is that of a true Pisces. While I am not an astrology freak by any means, I can’t argue with the description of my Piscean personality. We swim in two directions at once. Maybe when I finally figure out how to do that without drowning, I will find my true peace. My daily life is a series of conflicts, one after another. Most never get resolved. At times I’m comfortable with this, as it’s been the way I’ve lived most of my life. But now, it’s just disconcerting and making me anxious. Struggling with what’s in my heart and what makes sense (to whom?) is a constant for me. I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what’s acceptable and what isn’t by society’s standards. I know my place and what is expected of me. I know rules are implemented for reasons. I know speed limits are enforced for the safety of you and me. I know what is considered good and bad etiquette. I know smoking is bad for me. I know lots of things. Some I just take for granted. But some things just plain do not make sense to me and I spend my life walking that thin line between what I’ve been told and what I believe. Tell me the sky is blue. I’ll say yeah, it is, but I’ll be thinking that it’s an awesome shade of cerulean or azure. When you see me crying and remind me that it’s “only a McDonald’s commercial,” I’m thinking, why did it touch my heart so much harder than yours? And yet, how many times a day have I hurt someone because I was too busy to pick up the phone or rushed by with a quick “hi” instead of a “how are you today?” I get caught up in things and my perception fades to black. Other times, my compassion goes unnoticed. It’s all the time, back and forth. The only constant seems to be the struggle.

I remember once in my early forties, I was feeling like the Queen of Bad Luck. It was then that I had one of those light bulb moments (I think Oprah coined that phrase…) when it came to me like a bolt of lightning, “Linda, this is Life.” I was not special or being picked on or anything else. I was just experiencing Life. It was then that I learned not to feel sorry for myself, that I was just another sucker participating in the game.

I talked to you before about the (shhhh…) procrastination. I gotta learn to erase that from my list of coping strategies. I’m knee-deep in one now. Things pile up, I get overwhelmed, I shut down. If I haven’t been on your blog lately, that’s my excuse. I got so far behind, I couldn’t catch up. So I gave up.

…to change the things I can…

But I’m working on it. One day, I’m gonna be a force to be reckoned with. A stellar human being.

But for now, I’m going to go eat some Breyer’s Butter Almond icecream. Yep, before dinner!

KEEPIN’ WITH THE PLAN

The Serenity Prayer. I gave a copy of it to my dad when he found out he was dying with cancer. Yesterday my doctor told me to pray it when I started to feel anxious. He absolutely did not strike me as a particularly religious kind of guy. It surprised me a little when he suggested it…

After having done a little reading on the prayer, I’m finding it’s meaning (although I always thought it was awesome to ask these favors) is a bit deeper and even has different versions. If you click on the link, scroll about half-way down the page and read all the places you can find allusions to the prayer.

Not a lot of people seem to pray any more and don’t believe their prayers are heard. If nothing else, when I say these words and send them out into the cosmos with my best intentions, I’ll be reinforcing my own wish to change what I can about the world. I’m not real keen on accepting it the way it is, so I guess it’s pretty important that I figure out what is and isn’t mine to mess with.

God grant me the serenity to accept the
            things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Plan B

I had planned on sharing the family reunion with you, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that:

a) You really don’t know and can’t appreciate any of these people (except Hazel and JuJu and Ju wasn’t there.) and,

b) Most of the goings-on fell under the category of “You Had to Be There. ”

So I’m sorry if you’re disappointed.  One happening that was hilarious either way, I want Hazel to share.  She can post pictures and everything…

If you’re a regular reader, you know that I’ve been struggling with some medication that I will be on for just two more weeks.  I’m sure it’s obvious that it’s contributed to my crankiness in any of several degrees and my blog probably has been reading much like  The Peevery.  Only not as entertaining…

A lot of things that have occurred in the past several months have been catching up with me and have made it necessary for me to turn introspective.  That’s not usually a good thing for me, but necessary, nonetheless.

I don’t have much spare time for journaling or sitting down and talking things out.  I’m going to use the blog to work through some issues.  Please don’t feel that you need comment.  Please don’t feel that I’m looking for answers.  But if you share any of the same feelings and wish to offer support, that’s great.  Being that this is likely going to take a very personal turn, if you’d rather not read, I’m fine with that.  Maybe it won’t seem all that different, being that I basically write about Me, Me, Me, anyway.  (Somewhere along the way, I learned that would-be writers are given the advice Write what you know about.  Me is all I know…)

As a little prelude, I will tell you that, since turning 50, I’ve gone through a ton of personal changes; a lot of them positive.  I feel, at times, like I’ve gone through so many changes that sometimes I barely recognize me.  I’m not handling stress the way I used to.  I’m experiencing some anxiety on levels that I’m not accustomed to dealing with.  In plain words, sometimes I just don’t know who I am or what I’m doing.  I spoke at length today with my new doctor and he made some suggestions.  I stressed to him that I’d like to deal with this without the “benefit” of medication.  He was sympathetic and suggested a ton of other ways to help me get back on track.  So that’s going to be my focus for a bit.  I’ve had a bad habit of blocking out things too painful to deal with but I knew sooner or later that would end up biting me in the butt.

One issue that’s causing me some distress is lack of sleep.  I’m going to go address that now.  Good night 🙂

COMIN’ DOWN

The weekend was beyond great.  We rolled in later in the evening last night and unpacked the car and showered off 3 days of camping crud and pretty much died when our heads hit the pillows.  I’ll bring you details later.

Thought for the day:  I feel so very, very blessed to belong to the family I do.  They’re a little nuts, yeah, but God, I love ’em!

NO NEED TO GO ALL POSTAL

I’m going to blame my state of mind of late on the medication I’m taking. There is no other explanation for my behavior recently. Or rather, I should say, the way I’ve been feeling. I can’t say the least little thing sets me off, it takes a wee bit more than that, but sheesh. I kinda feel like a time bomb every now and then. One thing that’s really bothering me is that I keep catching myself clenching my teeth. That’s a surefire way to end up with achy jaws. And that would just be one more thing for me to complain about. Remember the other day when I was cranky? Well… that was just a preview for what I’m feeling the past couple of days. I’m afraid to even ask PD if it’s obvious that I’m “going through something.” He’d say something smart and I’m worried I’d haul off and clout him upside the head.

So here now, is my immediate concern. Monday morning I’m starting to work those 4 10-hour days. Feeling like I do, I’m not anticipating a good week. At all. I’m thinking it might do me some good to blow off some steam here and not start off next week in pressure-cooker mode. If you’re not up for a cranky female bitch barrage, you might want to maybe go laugh at Girls Are Pretty of something as entertaining. I’m going to outline a few things that have been especially irritating to me this week.

  • Why do some people insist on speaking only in cliches, on and on an on? Example: “Is it Thursday?” “Yep, all day,” ala Einstein. My jaw is tensing… Or, as I’m relating a crazy dream I had last night, the neb-nose who butts in and says “Wow, what did you eat before bed?”
  • If you ask me who sings a certain song and I tell you, don’t scrunch up your face and shake your head and say, “Nah, I don’t think so.” You asked me dammit, I told you. Next time ask your uncle.
  • If you’re a waitress and you ask if I need “a few more minutes,” that does not translate into leave and never come back. Duh.
  • If you’re in front of me driving and smoking a cigarette and speaking animatedly on your freakin’ cellphone, that is no excuse for not using a turn signal. So don’t get pissed if I ram your back bumper. (I didn’t ram her, it was just a fantasy.)
  • If there are under-dressed teenage girls jumping up and down on the side of the road waving “CARWASH” signs who cause you to drift across the yellow line into on-coming traffic which includes me, please don’t be alarmed when I take a baseball bat and beat you about the head and rubber neck. (Fantasy #2)
  • When there are only 4 stalls and I have to pee, why must you insist on taking up a stall to change into shorts so your fat ass won’t sweat on your way to your car? It’s a ladies room for crying out loud, and although I don’t care to see your ratty underwear, most women don’t care.
  • I only picked up one item in the grocery store. Way at the back of aisle 732. Why does it wait until I’ve been standing in the checkout line for eight and a half minutes to show no price?

Why, after all this “getting it out” do I only feel moderately less irritable? I don’t like feeling like this. And I hesitate to post about this because I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. I know this is selfish, I know it’s temporary. I know I have lots to be thankful for. I’m just mad that I gotta take these pills and not only are they making me miserable, I feel sorry for anyone who has to be around me. And you reading here. So if you want, just pretend you didn’t read this and I promise I won’t check the site meter to see if you dissed me 😉

A little heads up… I still got a month or so to go of this. Consider yourself warned. And I apologize in advance.

OH YEAH,  if you’re interested, there’s an interview with Meat Loaf on A&E Private Sessions to be aired Sunday August 19th at 9am.  You’ll have to figure out your own station and time zone.  Sorry.

GOOD BAND

Beulah – Emma Blowgun’s Last Stand

A song I really like, sorry the audio isn’t perfect near the end.  Hope you like the song.

RECIPE FOR A GREAT TIME

Saturday afternoon Kate and I spent at the fair, eating food which was incredibly bad for us but tasted incredibly good. Couldn’t persuade her to ride any Midway rides, but hey, she’s 50, what do you want? 😉 When we were growing up we probably rode enough rides to last us a lifetime anyway. So we checked out the artwork, all the normal Fair sites, exhibitions, lots of things. In general, we just enjoyed the whole Fair experience; the sounds, the smells, the heat, the wall-to-wall people. I just this minute realized that we “forgot” to look at all the livestock…

We’d planned to go home for dinner and then return to the park for the 8pm show featuring none other than Mr. Marvin L. Aday, more commonly (and ridiculously if you ask me) known as Meat Loaf. What a name for such a talented showman. Anyway, we left the park and when we realized that we were the proud owners of a prime parking spot that would most certainly not be there when we returned, we just stayed on. Which is the reason (ok, one of the reasons) that I will not be posting any pictures of the show. I’d left my camera at Kate’s house. But that’s ok.

The show started late but was worth every minute that we sat there anticipating Bat Out of Hell, Paradise By the Dashboard Light, You Took the Words Right Out of my Mouth and every other great song except Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad. I wish I could describe all the great stuff in the show, but… I’m just not terribly good at that sort of thing. I will tell you that at the very beginning of the show, these huge inflatable musicians popped up at different points on the stage. The lead one’s head bobbed up and down, the guitar players hands moved, etc. They stood there and “played” for a bit until the big guy came out.

The Neverland Express, Meat’s band was great. I linked up there to a site that shows the band members. I apologize for the crappy audio of the site, but I wanted you to see them. I have to say, I kinda missed Ellen Foley’s voice on Paradise, but Patti Russo did a damn fine job.

My voice is still kinda raspy and my hands are kinda sore from all the singing and clapping but we had ourselves a rawkin’ good time. Kinda felt like I was 17 again and that’s never a bad thing…

WEEKEND UPDATE WITHOUT FRILLS

Today PD has me painting the garage. TC has me running virus protection things. JuJu has me waiting for a return phone call. I have me in my painting shorts from last year that are too tight and straining at the seams and a bathing suit top and I’m still sweating. I gave up trying to stay out of the sun. It’s not conducive to, um, Life. Things need to get done around here and it’s impossible to paint in the dark. Or at least not fun and easy. Actually, it’s neither fun nor easy in the daylight either but that’s beside the point…

Yesterday was ultra-interesting at work. There was a problem with the fans or something in the Clean Room. When the temperature is off, it’s not safe to be in the room. So 70 or so people had to either go home or be reassigned to different departments. I found myself packaging products in the Shipping and Packaging Dept. with only 5 other people. And my iPod. So it was a good day. It is not expected that the Clean Room problem will be completely resolved by Monday, so guess what? I ain’t goin’. End of discussion. It’s this simple: Me + Day Off = 🙂

Thanks for asking how I’m doing. Way better. It’s nice to have friends who care.

Anybody have any interesting Friday the 13th observations? Me, neither.

K. Back to work. Hope you’re having a good weekend.

sidenote: I just published this at 3:14:57; one second earlier and it would have been my birthday, 3/14/56. Oooooh. How cool is that?

SLACKERY (TAKEN TO A NEW LEVEL)

Had a perfectly lovely visit with the JuJu’s.  Our visit went entirely too quickly, as always.  I had decided beforehand to come home yesterday to give myself a quiet, lazy day today.  Yes, I actually begged off a picnic invitation.  I’ll go back to work tomorrow and Friday and then have a weekend to enjoy. It will kind of give me the sensation of being a slacker and that’s exactly what I was going for. 

I have lots to tell you but I’ll spread it out over the next few days.  Don’t want to overwhelm y’all.  Ha.  Like my life (or reading about it) would make you tired.  Well, maybe… in the sense of boring you.  I’ll try to embellish a bit to keep things at least, mildly interesting.

I had an interesting experience on our trip home yesterday.  PD was in no hurry to get home so I talked him into visiting the Grove City Prime Outlets on our way down I79.  As much as he seemed to enjoy himself while we were there, he confessed that he was not impressed with the shopping there.  Big surprise.  Shopping Heaven for PD is Lowe’s Home Improvement stores.  Anything else is frivilous and a waste of time.  So I think it’s safe to say that the next time I visit the Outlets, it will be on my own time.

Anyway, one thing that happened there amused me.  I’d gone into a wine and tobacco shop and found the boy behind the counter all pierced and punk-haired (and cute) having a conversation with a much more conservative-looking young man.  I stepped up to the counter and waited for them to finish their conversation. The boy behind the counter stopped talking and looked at me offering his help.  I quickly glanced to my left to apologize to the other for interrupting their conversation about a concert he’d been to recently. Yes, I was eavesdropping and I hope you do not have a problem with that.  As soon as he turned my way, out of my mouth came “Death Cab… OMG, you look just like Ben Gibbard!”  He looked instantly embarrassed, just a little and then broke out in a smile and confessed “that tons of people tell me that all the time.” When I looked back to tell the cashier what I’d been looking for, he was standing there, gaping, and said (obviously, dumbfounded, having most likely assessed me as old and decrepit…) that he was impressed that I knew of Death Cab.  *Sigh*  Not quite as gratifying as getting carded, but it kind of tweaked my sense of maybe I won’t be whisked off to the home as soon as I thought, and actually did bring a smile.  Thank you, Boy, for not saying ” … for an old chick.”  I know you were thinking it.

Going to go celebrate the anniversary of my country’s independence by doing absolutely. nothing.  Oooh.  Ahhh.  A safe and happy holiday to you all.