Friday night I smoked the last cigarette. Most of the people close to me are already getting used to watching me shove copious amounts of small candies into my face (of the M&M, Tootsie Roll, Buttered Popcorn-flavored Jelly Belly varieties to name a few.) I’ve developed a fondness for a Rainbow trail mix into which I have just dumped the Jelly Bellies and more raisins and sunflower seeds. Before I’m finished there may be everything but the kitchen sink in it.
I cannot believe the intensity of the cravings I’ve been experiencing. Being that I’ve spent the last month or so tapering off, smoking only all-tobacco cigarettes, I assumed that the chemicals I was used to ingesting in my old regular brand were what would keep me addicted more strongly than the actual tobacco. I would have thought that at least a month would have been sufficient to get all those chemicals out of my system.
Poor PD, I didn’t realize he was standing two feet behind me just a little while ago when I yelled, at the top of my lungs, “I want a cigarette!” I probly scared him. But you’re right, yeah, no more than usual.
I have done absolutely not one constructive thing this entire weekend. I had planned to fill it with activities to leave no room for my brain/body to even think about how much it would enjoy lighting up. I can’t concentrate on anything long enough to accomplish anything. That makes me angry. Angry enough to want to light a cigarette. In fact just about everything makes me want to smoke. Here are a few things today that triggered an intense craving:
- Having a cup of coffee
- Writing out a birthday card
- Composing several emails
- The washing machine going off balance
- Finishing lunch
- Answering the phone
There were a ton of other things but just sitting here thinking about them is proving difficult. So I’m going to stop for now.
Oh yeah, one other thing I’ve noticed… I can’t type for shit anymore. Every third word or so I end up correcting. Unnerving? Yes! Enough to make me want to smoke? You bet your ass. But I won’t. I’m going to go scream in the basement now.