Finding myself with some wonderful free time this morning, I decided a pedicure might be in order. I’m seeing the doctor about my foot later in the week and would like to have presentable toes this time. If you recall, last time I only had polish on one foot. Yeah, classy, huh. Anyway, I happened to notice on my bottle of nail polish remover, a little red logo proclaiming “Contains Bitrex” and underneath it says “Ingestion Deterrent.” Well, I’m thinking a coupla’ things, not the least of which is why in the HELL would you need to ADD anything to a bottle of acetone-based pungent chemicals that are strong enough to dissolve hardened lacquer to keep someone from drinking the stuff??? And the other thing I’m thinking is how damn bad must Bitrex taste to make nail polish remover taste even WORSE???
I’ll let you ponder that for a moment while I’m enjoying listening to PD bust a gut, laughing at a bird…
Last night after the Penguins game, (which I kind of watched actually even- mostly because I didn’t want to feel left out and because my beloved neighbor, Crazy Harold went to all the trouble to carry his TV out onto his patio because it was a beautiful evening and all the neighbors were all hyped up for the game.) we had a fire and cooked out and sat around and laughed until the wee hours of the morning. When we do this, more often than not, the embers from the fire are still quite hot the following morning, which would be today. Just now, as PD and I were enjoying our coffees on the porch and I was over at Mark’s reading and commenting, PD started howling and sputtering coffee all over creation. When he calmed down enough to speak intelligibly, he said that a bird had evidently had his eye on a tasty-looking morsel and had lit on the white ash pile, only to immediately do a sprawling back flip, not once but twice, and high-tail it out of there in a major rush. (Okay, those were my words, not his, but that’s what he meant to say…) It must have looked like a scene out of a cartoon, only the bird wasn’t screaming and his eyes weren’t bugging out amidst a cloud of feathers and smoke. But it was worth a good laugh, mostly for PD but his laugh was contagious so I got a good second-hand laugh myself.
I’m sure it was funnier yet to him in light of the fact that he was totally irritated on a quiet Sunday morning, (earlier today) having to dismantle our downspouting on the back corner of the house to free a trapped starling that’s been terrorizing him all week. (You remember awhile back when PD had that vendetta against the squirrel who took up residence in the walls of our house? For weeks he was a madman, hellbent and bleary-eyed on capturing that varmint who woke him up all hours of the night, scratching and scrambling and gawd-knows-what-else inside the bedroom wall, a few feet from PD’s sleeping head. I still have images of him, in true Elmer Fudd-form, crouched with a BB gun, waiting for the squirrel to emerge from his mystery entrance/exit in and out of our attic…) The damn starlings had built a nest in the eaves above the bedroom window and once again, PD has had to endure chirping and rustling noises interrupting his slumber. I’m sure it seems to him that the forces of nature are (once again) conspiring against him and his need for shut-eye. Last night when we discovered the bird in the spouting, he hauled out the garden hose and was trying to drown flush out the bird by aiming the hose at the top of the gutter, hoping it would encourage the bird to I-don’t-know-what, I was kind of busy trying to enjoy myself.
I’m not sure if I’ve completed the story or not, this post has gotten ahead of me. Let me know if I’ve left out any important details needed to make this all make sense.
May you all have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day weekend and be sure to take some time to remember all those who have given the ultimate gift so that you and I can enjoy our freedom.
(Note: Certain aspects of this post have been “embellished” for effect. My husband is neither psychotic nor homicidal. Nor does he wish to have animal/fowl activists protesting and camped out on our front lawn.)