The other day I was thinking. I do that from time to time, it’s not terribly unusual. Although I so rarely get from the initial idea to the point of fruition. It’s a combination of the fact that I’m easily distracted (always looking for something more interesting in my head) coupled with the fact that there always seem to be outside distractions. I’m never alone with myself (and my thoughts) for any length of time that’s necessary for me to complete the thinking process.
Not a good thinker. Dreamer, yes. I could rival any great dreamer throughout history. I have lived a gazillion different experiences and several different lives in this head of mine. I’ve written books, short stories, my own versions of what “should” or “could” be. Or maybe I should say excerpts of all these. I’ve never quite gotten to the ending of any of them. At any rate, I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that when it comes to thinking, I’m much better at making up stuff than actually figuring stuff out.
I really got off track here. Surprise! What I started to tell you is that I’ve noticed lately that when I think of things that I would like to have- and we all do this, especially these days when we’re all doing without certain things for different reasons- I no longer find myself wishing for the material things. I’m happy with the belongings that I have. I love my unfinished house, my neglected yard, my “evolving” garage, my car, my wardrobe, my general accumulation of “stuff.” In fact, if anything, I have way more than any one human being could possibly need in any one lifetime. All my “stuff” may not be the best that money can buy but there’s truly nothing that I need in the way of material things.
The things that I think of that I would like to have are not tangible. I crave time. More time to spend with family and friends. More time to enjoy quiet mornings watching the world awaken when the sun is rising and the birds are chirping. More time to savor that first steamy cup of coffee when I’m still in my jammies and my thoughts are fresh and untainted by the stresses and obligations of daily life. The hours when I don’t feel the pressure to make that phone call or be ready for an appointment. When there’s no need to hurry and accomplish something.
I yearn for patience. In myself and for dealing with other people. I tend to have high expectations that are rarely reached. I want and need more compassion. I often get caught up in my own struggles at the cost of overlooking things other people need from me. I fantasize about what it might be like to possess even a little more self-control. If only I could focus more on where I am and where I need to be. Not only in a year from now but a day or even an hour in the future. I’m my own worst enemy. I get caught up in living for the moment and while it makes perfect sense to me to live that way, it’s completely unrealistic and the end result is almost always, “Why didn’t I…. whatever?”
I wish for peace of mind, not just for myself but for the people I love and care about. For their burdens to be lighter, for their lives to be happy, their problems to go away.
Life has become more and more complicated and it becomes necessary to focus on the truly important issues such as Health and Love and Spirituality. To hell with a new car and a big house with a pool. A picket fence. What is that? Yeah, a vacation would be nice, somewhere posh and swanky or far from the madding crowd. But there are more important things closer to home to enjoy and relish. With no dollar amount or price tag attached. I’m going to concentrate on those.