Monthly Archives: April 2009


31 Today

This was just some random video I found with a blonde and an age in it.  Those are the only two similarities to the fact that my sweet daughter is celebrating a birthday today.  Really.

JuJu, I hope you have a beautiful day.  I hope you’re afforded the opportunity to look around you and appreciate the life that you’ve help build for your family.  Notice the loving homey touches around your house that make everyone feel welcome and comfortable.  Look at those beautiful kids you’re helping to raise and see how smart and polite and funny they are.  Look at your handsome husband and see the love and adoration reflecting in his eyes.  And appreciate how wonderful it must feel to be responsible for so much love in our family and yours.  And take the time to look in the mirror and see how far you’ve come and what you’ve accomplished.  And while you’re at it, blow yourself a birthday kiss from me.  Close your eyes and feel my hug.

And when you blow out your twenty-something candles, I hope your dream comes true.  Like you did for me 🙂

Happy Birthday Sweetie! PD and I love you so very much.  We will be together to celebrate in a couple of weeks.  I’ll bring wine.  Lots of wine. 🙂

Probly should mention that that’s Aimee Mann performing up there.  And I wonder if the redhead is symbolic of aging itself.  It’s just always there and gets more annoying as time goes on…

PS I scheduled this to post this morning and now I find out at 7:30 pm that it did not.  Sorry, Ju.



It occurred to me today

and it hurt me to my soul

I can’t hear your voice in my head.

So many questions I wanted to ask you and we ran out of time. Those last months we tried to make up for the days we couldn’t have. A hundred years wouldn’t do.

I would give a year of sunny Sunday mornings just to sit with you once again; to listen to you tell a really long joke, to watch you try not to laugh, to see you look over your glasses and complain about the gas prices. To see you sleeping in your chair, to watch you nibble on a baby’s ear, to hear you sing “Lucille,” to watch you run your silver comb through your hair.

The last conversation we had ended in “I love you too, Winker”.

But I didn’t know it would be the last time you’d say it to me. The next day you were zonked out on morphine and breathing slow and raspy. I took your comb and combed your wavy, now white, hair and told you it looked good. I knew there would be no answer. But two single tears rolled down your cheek. One was yours and one was mine.

No breath came then.

I said “I love you Dad” and put the comb in my pocket.

This is for my Dad who died along with a piece of my heart April 29, 1998.

(Repost from April 29, 2006)



Miss Madeline Grace is four years old today.


I hope you have a day filled with sunshine, laughter, dancing, rainbows, cupcakes,  pretty bows and smooches.

Nana loves you soooooo much!

(photo courtesy JuJu)



The other day I was thinking.  I do that from time to time, it’s not terribly unusual.  Although I so rarely get from the initial idea to the point of fruition. It’s a combination of the fact that I’m easily distracted (always looking for something more interesting in my head) coupled with the fact that there always seem to be outside distractions.  I’m never alone with myself (and my thoughts) for any length of time that’s necessary for me to complete the thinking process.

Not a good thinker.  Dreamer, yes.  I could rival any great dreamer throughout history.  I have lived a gazillion different experiences and several different lives in this head of mine.  I’ve written books, short stories, my own versions of what “should” or “could” be.   Or maybe I should say excerpts of all these.  I’ve never quite gotten to the ending of any of them.  At any rate, I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that when it comes to thinking, I’m much better at making up stuff than actually figuring stuff out.

I really got off track here.  Surprise!  What I started to tell you is that I’ve noticed lately that when I think of things that I would like to have- and we all do this, especially these days when we’re all doing without certain things for different reasons- I no longer find myself wishing for the material things.  I’m happy with the belongings that I have.  I love my unfinished house, my neglected yard, my “evolving” garage, my car, my wardrobe, my general accumulation of “stuff.”  In fact, if anything, I have way more than any one human being could possibly need in any one lifetime.  All my “stuff” may not be the best that money can buy but there’s truly nothing that I need in the way of material things.

The things that I think of that I would like to have are not tangible.  I crave time.  More time to spend with family and friends.  More time to enjoy quiet mornings watching the world awaken when the sun is rising and the birds are chirping.  More time to savor that first steamy cup of coffee when I’m still in my jammies and my thoughts are fresh and untainted by the stresses and obligations of daily life.  The hours when I don’t feel the pressure to make that phone call or be ready for an appointment.  When there’s no need to hurry and accomplish something.

I yearn for patience.  In myself and for dealing with other people.  I tend to have high expectations that are rarely reached.  I want and need more compassion.  I often get caught up in my own struggles at the cost of overlooking things other people need from me.  I fantasize about what it might be like to possess even a little more self-control.  If only I could focus more on where I am and where I need to be.  Not only in a year from now but a day or even an hour in the future.  I’m my own worst enemy.   I get caught up in living for the moment and while it makes perfect sense to me to live that way, it’s completely unrealistic and the end result is almost always, “Why didn’t I…. whatever?”

I wish for peace of mind, not just for myself but for the people I love and care about.  For their burdens to be lighter, for their lives to be happy, their problems to go away.

Life has become more and more complicated and it becomes necessary to focus on the truly important issues such as Health and Love and Spirituality.  To hell with a new car and a big house with a pool.  A picket fence.  What is that?  Yeah, a vacation would be nice, somewhere posh and swanky or far from the madding crowd.  But there are more important things closer to home to enjoy and relish.  With no dollar amount or price tag attached.  I’m going to concentrate on those.


Starlight (Muse) – piano version

His birthday is today, April 22.  He’s got a website now and I feel honored to have been invited to join there.  It’s a pretty fun place.  Consider becoming a member.

Happy Birthday, Ago!

PS I forgot to remind you to look at the Moon and Venus this morning. I hope you remembered!


Came across this interesting bit of information tonight while surfing the web.  I’m so glad I found it because normally I would find out after the fact and find it necessary to get quite pissy about it.

Assuming it’s not raining or snowing or cloudy, I’ll be able to share this awesome sight with my awesome husband.  Normally I do not see him that time of day because he is sound asleep.  But this week his butt he will be up with me.  And hopefully each day he will feel well enough to drive me to work.  Normally I can drive my own butt to work.  But this morning around 3am I came downstairs to get a drink of water (or something.)  Normally this is not a problem due to the nifty night lights we have at the top, on the landing and at the bottom of our stairs.  They are motion-sensitive and when they see me coming they jump up and down and sing You Light up my Life get brighter. Bad thing tho’, is that the one at the bottom casts a shadow on the bottom step due to the newel post being between the light and the actual stairs.  I always have to be careful to make sure I’m actually on the last step.  Normally I slow down when I get near the bottom to make sure I know where the floor is.  Normally, I said.

This morning I did not slow down at the bottom.  I thought I was on the floor when my left foot was on the last stair.  So when my right foot came down, my heel caught on the stair and my foot did this weird twisty collapsing thing which explains the fairly loud cracking noise that triggered the nausea button in my tummy.

Long story short, a trip to the ER for X-rays which showed the broken bone and resulting in my nervous breakdown. having to wear an Ace bandage and one of those sexy-as-hell navy blue clod-hopper boot things with the come-hither Velcro straps.  All the more alluring with the addition of crutches.

It’s all cool though.  I got Percocet to keep my mind off the fact that my life, which couldn’t possibly have gotten any more sucky, indeed has.


Today I’m going to scrub down my back porch and outdoor furniture.  I can’t wait to enjoy weekend morning coffee out there and an occasional evening before bed.  Although I saw that the extended weather forecast for the coming week includes the possibility for snow on three consecutive days, in the event that next weekend should be nice also, I want to be ready.

Next weekend we have plans to visit the Juju Clan to celebrate Juju’s birthday and Maddie’s as well.  Little Maddie will be four years old and I’m still pinching myself in an effort to accept that as reality.  She was just born a couple weeks ago, it seems.  I’ll post pictures of our visit/celebration.

I’m thinking of joining the Twitter brigade.  (No, Ashton had nothing to do with it.)  I’m always late to the table, that’s no big newsflash.  But being that I seem to struggle to find time for posting these days, I think it might be a more reasonable way for me to stay connected.  At least to those of you who tweet.  Later today I will get signed on and I see on my WordPress page that you can put your Twitter on your blog.  So maybe it will show up in my sidebar in the next day or so and I can commence to recruit some sort of following.

Anything interesting happen this past week?  Not really.  Had some family health drama that turned out less serious than originally thought, so I’m grateful for that.  PD has started work on enclosing our front porch.  His “help” is here now and I’m enjoying the sounds of the bandsaw and all that.  Going shawpin’ tomorrow for the Birthday Girls with my mom in the rain, most likely.  Other than that, nada.

I’ve been listening to this and loving it:

K, I’m outta here.  Have a terrific weekend 🙂

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Today was beautiful.  I have this feeling of Hope and Promise.  Like maybe everything is going to be okay.  I want to hold on to this feeling forever.


I feel bad that it took me so long to get around to posting this…

PD wants to say Thank You, sincerely, to all of you who took the time to send Happy Birthday wishes to him last week.

His favorite gift from me was a coffee mug covered with pictures of the grandkids.  The big, hefty kind.  (The mug, not the kids.  Although they are growing like weeds.)  I had the mug designed by Snapfish with photos that I chose.  It was awesome.

Thanks from me, too.  You’re all amazing friends. 🙂