Not in keeping with the spirit of The Season, let me get a little something off my chest and then we can get back on track and be all Yule-like and full of tidings of comfort and joy and stuff.

Step outside your pleasant self for a moment…  (C’mon, indulge me here for a second.)

Imagine that you’re at work in a large room with about 30 other people, most of them involved some way in their daily job.  Now…

Suppose you are annoying and very child-like in your need for constant attention.  Imagine babbling on and on about nothing of any consequence for hours upon hours each day.  Think what it would be like to never possess an original thought, much less convey one.  Speak instead in cliche’s.  Old, worn-out cliche’s.  And speak them loudly to no one in particular.  Concentrate on 3 to 5 unoriginal thoughts per day and repeat them as many times as necessary to insure that everyone in your general proximity hears and has the opportunity to comment on your unoriginality.  Each time a conversation (not involving you) originates in another part of the room, stop what you’re doing and wander over and start asking questions of the parties involved.  Keep doing that and don’t stop until you’ve completely overtaken the conversation to the point where, finally, it’s all about you.  Be oblivious to the fact that the aforementioned parties are all standing there, slack-jawed and stupefied.  Now trudge back to what you were doing in the first place, while tossing over your shoulder, “There I go, babbling again!”  and laugh obnoxiously.  Now start scanning the room for your next victim or victims.  When you see someone concentrating on something, anything… approach them and loudly announce, “Not to be nosy, but… and then pronounce something so inanely obvious that makes you sound not only ignorant but unbelievably so.  When the interruption causes the person to jump and blink and roll their eyes, say “I’m sorry, I was just asking.  Don’t mind me, I’m just nosy.”  And then traipse away.  Stop several times on your way back through to inspect items on other people’s desks and be sure to remind them also that you’re just being nosy.  When you get back to your desk, sit down and begin to act like you’re actually working and then realize that you need to discuss politics or religion or the price of yams with your supervisor.  Call out her name loudly.  When she doesn’t answer immediately, stand and call out her name even loudly-er until she acknowledges you and shout your reason for interrupting her.  When she comes to your desk, engage her in some sort of banter that will insure that none of your work gets done until it’s time for you to take a cigarette break.  Remind her at regular intervals that you will be needing a smoke soon.  When your break time comes, grab your cell phone and walk down the hall like a battleship slowly with ten or twelve people trying to pass you while you weave back and forth slowly as you text all your friends.  Or just call them and talk real loud so everyone around you can have an equal shot at learning all your new “business.”  When you get some perverted pictures or dirty jokes texted to you, see how many people you can share them with.  And then wonder why Linda is always headed in the opposite direction.  And why she answers your questions with “Uh, yeah.”  or “Uh, no.”   And why, while she seems polite enough, she always looks like she’s clenching her teeth

Yeah, guys, I realize it’s the Holiday Season and we’re supposed to be all smiles and filled with The Spirit and all that.  But holey smokes, this gets old.  And what’s really sad?  If by some chance this woman were to come upon this post, she’d start reading and probly somewhere around line 5, she’d break out in a huge grin and proudly announce, “This is all about ME!”

I’d be willing to bet my lunch money on it.

Let the lectures begin.

14 responses to “PRE-HOLIDAY RANT

  1. Lol, ooohhh noooo, she would say, “Wow, this person is sounds so annoying. I feel so sorry for this dear woman for having to deal with her.”

    Too bad you can’t buy self-awareness and give it to people. /sigh.

    Hugs darling!!

  2. LG: That’s all part of what’s so unnerving about her… She admits she’s nosy, she knows she babbles. I think maybe she did too many drugs in the 60’s, I don’t know what else to blame it on. She totally loves herself just the way she is. Maybe she’s Jack Handey reincarnated?

  3. Wow, that sounds so much like someone I work with too. You’ve got my sympathy. Fortunatly in my case, this loud obnoxious person doesn’t actually come up to me(either she doesn’t know what to expect from me or she might realize… I don’t like her). But i still hear all her noise. Oh i think you’d double your lunch money easy!

  4. You know what people like this hate? When you can successfully ignore them is one, that one can be very tricky and if you falter even in the slightest it will fail. One of my favorites is when they start to horn in on a conversation I say “you know, we were just talking about you” them we clam up and stop talking. That one drives them really nuts and is much easier to pull off.

  5. at first, i was pretty sure you were talking about me 😉

    and then i thought, “i’m not *that* bad”.

    sounds like you got this one under control with your short answers, that would annoy the crap out of me too. day in and day out. maybe she’ll fall off of a truck?

  6. I’m sorry, but I really don’t think I could be as polite as you are to anyone that annoying. I’d have to hurt someone…

    Actually, Jeff’s suggestion about totally ignoring this person is definitely the best route to take. I’m currently ignoring a couple of people at work and as long as I have my earbuds, I can keep it up indefinitely…

  7. Wow things must have changed there..or she is so far up managements butt that she is actually aloud to have conversation when not on break.

  8. Bob: Welcome to our little party 😉 Nice of you to drop by, please come again.

    Jeff: Funny you should bring that up. I’ve tried repeatedly to find the good in this person. Finally I gave up and I basically do ignore her. I can’t find it in my heart though, to ignore her when she speaks directly to me. You would think though, that since I never initiate a conversation that she would get the hint. I’m tellin’ you (read my comment to Lawgirl) the woman is Dense. I’m tempted to try your second suggestion!

    Piglet: Get real. I oughta slap you. Softly, but nonetheless…
    I will get her on a truck.

    M+: The worst part is that I hate the feelings inside me that she causes me. I know full well that I control what I feel and I have to allow others to affect me in the way that they do. Often I look at her as a test sent by God. But I can’t figure out why he wants to punish me day in and day out. It’s enough that I have to get up at 4:30… Sometimes I think I should just take her aside and say, “Look, I really don’t like you and I’m tired being polite.” I don’t know. I don’t really see a solution, I just had to vent.

    Natalie: I don’t know where that ridiculous notion came about,(not being allowed to talk) but you’re not the first to bring that up to me. It’s not and never has been true. Not in any dept. I’ve worked in.
    Funny thing is, she is up their butts but she thinks it doesn’t show. Yeah, complicated case, that one.

  9. No lecture, just exhausted from you post 🙂 I cannot imagine it in real life!!! And the snow flakes falling down your blog while reading will make someone with ADD shoot themselves…..Just having a little fun 🙂 it’s good to be back. I think that if you had a real good case of gas you could rid yourself of people like that without saying a word…try the combo of chili and boiled eggs! Boy it’s late and I am having too much fun with this!

  10. Joey: I really did expect lectures… And I left out a bunch of stuff to keep the post short and readable… Originally I thought I liked the snowflakes, but they’re not going over terribly well. Not sure if I remember how to turn them off :-S
    Um, your suggestion is one I have not considered, being a “Lady” and all, but I’m glad you had fun with this!

  11. Well I hate Christmas. It’s shit.

  12. I think you just described a couple of people I know. They are sooooo annoying.

  13. Geez, I sympathize with you. I know a couple people like that too. I CAN’T STAND THEM!!! I just ignore them as much as possible. I, like you, tend to be too polite sometimes. But, Joey’s suggestion of the chili and eggs might work too. 😛

  14. LY: I sympathize with you. I’m having a hard time keeping that part separate from the Other Part.

    Jack: Seriously. This was just the proverbial tip of the iceberg. Worst part of it is, I can’t escape her, she’s just always THERE. Like a pesky gnat.

    Lu: Not that I could or would do that, but she’s oblivious to everything. It would just give her one more thing to broadcast.

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