NO SH**!!!

I haven’t been here much lately and I hope you didn’t miss me. Wait. Yeah, I hope you did. I missed you.

Anyway, I’ve been busy evacuating. And I don’t mean getting the hell outta Dodge. And you must congratulate me because due to all this, it’s official- No one can accuse me of being full of shit. It is sooo official, that I’m now six pounds lighter due to the gonefulness of the shit.

In case you’re not keeping up with me here, I’ve just about completed the prep for my colonoscopy which is scheduled for 2pm this afternoon. It is now 7:52 am and I have 8 more minutes in which I may enjoy drinking my last clear liquids (yummy water) until 2:00. I can’t even tell you how much crap I’ve drunk in the last 48 hours. I can however, tell you that I’ve about used up one entire roll of Charmin Ultra and about 147 gallons of water just for flushing. I’ve been surviving on a container of yogurt that I had for breakfast yesterday morning and Gatorade mostly. And I look fabulous. Ha. You know those times where you feel so shitty that you don’t give a shit what you even look like? Well, that’s about how fabulous I look. Just can’t wait to get this over with.

I love how it’s taken me half an hour to write this, on accounta’ three four trips to the bathroom in the mean time. I may not feel so hot or look so great or even retained a sense of humor through this… But I need to thank PD for putting up with me the past week or so. He’s been awesome. I shit you not. And yeah, I broke down and had a cigarette last night. In fact, he’s the one who handed it to me. He didn’t light it for me though, he knows when to back off.


Oh Wait! HAPPY FIFTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO MR AND MRS JUJU!!! Hugs, Kisses and Congratulations, Lovebirds πŸ™‚

5 responses to “NO SH**!!!

  1. I kept a straight face all through this post and then you said this

    “But I need to thank PD for putting up with me the past week or so. He’s been awesome. I shit you not.”

    I totally lost it on I shit you not, that is classic!

    Thanks for the laugh.

  2. I hope everything came out (and went in) okay.

  3. I love this post! What else can I say?

  4. Amigo: I live to make you laugh πŸ˜€

    Hazel: Misshit accomplished. Ah ha ha.

    M+: This tells me more about you than I ever wanted to know.
    Kidding. LOL

  5. ding dang girlie, you really have been in the shitter! (i couldn’t resist). i am just about positive you are pretty no matter you are six pds either way.

    i’m not sayin’ nothin’ about the other subject. after my full month of chantix, i am still smoking away like a crazy person. (the chantix did curb my smoking quite a bit.)

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