OBSERVATIONS

Having traveled to NY to see the kids this past weekend, there are a few things I’ve noticed and feel compelled to share with y’all. Some are personal, some are universal. Any offenses are purely coincidental and (of course) not intentional.

  • People who drive Dodges are the slowest drivers in the world. No. Wait. Let me clarify. I should maybe rephrase… Of all the slow drivers that I encounter in my travels, the highest percentage of them are behind the wheel of some sort of a Dodge vehicle. (the highest percentage of that percentage just happen to be male.) There, was that better? The worst and slowest driver I encountered this weekend, however, was neither. It was a woman driving a mint green Toyota, in the passing lane going sixty for miles and miles and promptly pissing off every other driver on the entire highway. Frankly, I would love to be the one to tell her that she’s damn lucky to be alive at this point. Grrrr.
  • The quality of the toilet tissue in the restrooms on the Interstates in New York is far superior to that of the tissue in Pennsylvania.
  • The chances of encountering an English-speaking person in a restroom on the Interstates in New York are lower than the absorbency rating of PA toilet tissue in a restroom on an Interstate.
  • The self-flushing toilets on any of these Interstates should be required by law to come equipped with hearing protection.
  • Missouri license plates are pretty.
  • Anyone familiar with the Angola NY rest stop will know that you park on one side of the highway and walk over the 4-lane highway in an enclosed walk-way to reach the food/potties/etc. It doesn’t matter if you are traveling North or South. I witnessed a purple-haired, highly-tattooed, twenty-something girl come out of the walk way and approach the parking area. It wasn’t particularly crowded and didn’t take her long to realize that her car was nowhere in that lot. She looked rather disgusted when she commented to me that she must have come out the wrong side. I wonder how often that happens? And no, I haven’t done it yet. Shut up.
  • Highway patrol officers seem to pull over more brightly-colored vehicles. Assumably for speeding. Maybe for clashing with the scenery, I dunno.
  • It freaks me out, driving on a bridge over a lake when you look off to the side and the water appears to be higher than the road. What the hell is up with that?
  • Black Volvo station wagons are cool as heck.
  • There was a $0.15 toll increase on a road that is in worse condition than it was when the toll was $0.15 cheaper.

We had lots of fun with the kids. We celebrated Maddie’s 3rd Birthday and she looks awesome in the sunglasses and boa that her Nana (that would be moi) gave her. She kept “going to school” wearing the glasses and the Elmo backpack that was a gift from PD. Her favorite expression seems to be “Are you kidding me???”

Bad news is that the record store that I fell in love with earlier this year has closed it’s doors. That really bummed me out. I hate that phrase, but I was bummed, nonetheless. They were a little pricey but had a really great selection. Dammit.

One more thing. On the road, we were coming up behind a truck with a huge “thing” tethered down in the bed of the truck. This is the ensuing conversation between PD and I:

Me: What the hell is that thing? A missile launcher?

He: (silence)

Me: (getting closer) A Gatlin gun?

He: (silence)

Me: (close enough, but still stumped) So what is it?

He: Log splitter. I have to pee.

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14 responses to “OBSERVATIONS

  1. That conversation sounds familiar, I think my wife and I have had it a few times!

  2. Travel stories are always the best. It’s amazing the number of things you can make observations about, and be absolutely right about them most of the time.

  3. Amigo: Funny, I pictured you and the wife when I mentioned the missile launcher… just kidding!

    M+: Most of the time??? What was I wrong about??? Don’t tell me you drive a Dodge…

  4. Sounds like you experienced self flushing toilets that actually worked…my biggest peeve about them is usually you have to either turn them on yourself because they don’t notice that you have left the stall or they don’t get rid of everything in one flush so you end up flushing them again which defeats the purpose of 1)not having to flush yourself, and 2) saving water…

  5. Mishka: Do you have ESP? You popped into my head today and I was wondering how you are šŸ™‚
    Actually, those toilets… I must spend too much time putting myself “back together”… they often flush twice for me… or like you said, not at all.

  6. Geesh traffic must have been slow…..no offense, but I didn’t think anyone drove slower than most people from your neck of the woods. Even when in our area there are certain dealer license plate thingys(yes that’s a technical term) that I cringe when I get behind–they are notoriously slow drivers.
    *(I drive a Red Dodge—not slowly—that had no influence on the previous comment.)

  7. Given the choice between peeing in a bottle and continuing to drive or going to the bathroom on PA Highway…the bottle is by far the more sanitary way to go. If you have to poop…god love ya…pull over and find a tree.

    If you went up I-79/I-90 to NY, you went past two of my better environmental projects. The former Unocal truck stops in North East, PA and the shithole in Ripley, NY (the one with the new porn shop next to it).

    The genius who owned the Ripley truck stop put in a wonderful french drain system throughout the property…when his diesel tanks leaked…it spread the contamination for about a 700-fr radius around the station. When we dug it up (I cant remember the exact tonnage…but it was close to 150,000 tons) the pile was the highest point in Ripley…I do believe it had its own weatehr system at the peak. šŸ™‚

  8. that’s a great list of observations complete with your special humor that i love so very much.

    i drive a dodge durango and i HAUL ASS every chance i get šŸ™‚ my other car is a go-cart (toyota corolla) that does not haul ass.

    i’ve driven that route a few times from here to there. the first time i got to experience it, i was very happy that the rest stops are basically like a drive thru situation. no driving for 15 minutes off of an exit trying to find the potty.

  9. p.s. i’m not offended by you pointing out the slow people are doge drivers. you know, just in case you were wondering šŸ™‚

  10. Men generally drive much faster than women, unless they have the entire family in the vehicle with them. In which case, the wife is usually making sure hubby isn’t going too fast.
    At least, that’s one of my most common observations.

    So, we must have different driving habits and perspectives.

    Also, brightly colored vehicles attract attention to themselves, thus garnering more tickets. I can’t remember where I read that, but it was instrumental in my choice of “moonlit blue” for my car…

  11. Nat: That’s cuz you live in “Gear Head Country” šŸ˜‰
    Now that I think of it, it must be more a male thing. Ju and JoJo both drive Dodges and they are no speed slouches, either!

    K’lar: LOL Thanks for that “in depth” information… ;-P I will think of you driving by those wonders in the future.

    P’let: Somehow, I’m not surprised you don’t waste time behind the wheel… I have a Toyota, too; an Avalon and it’s always right there for me šŸ™‚ You know I would never intentionally offend and that I don’t normally make generalizations…

    M+: Blue? I pictured you in Black.

  12. This was a great post, and refreshingly funny way to spend the moments waiting for another support group from our company to take the case that woke me up at 8:23 this morning when I had my alarm set for 9 a.m., spared a 7 a.m. wake time only by the graces of my in-laws, who agreed our son could spend the night with them last night. My wife is away on a girls’ weekend in the boonies and just called me to say that she’s sitting outside listening to the birds and enjoying the 65-degree morning air. That bitch!!!

    Just kidding, of course.

    I feel a post coming on regarding auto-flush toilets, so I’ll not regale you with my experience. Loved your description, though.

    This was a very funny observational post.

    My observation? I love my two new CD’s!

  13. I can’t imagine why…

  14. Actually, the slowest drivers in the universe drive the Mercury Grand Marquis. It isn’t called the “Grand Ma” for no reason. And according to Consumer Reports it has the oldest average age for ownership.

    As for toilet paper dynamics, at least it wasn’t European rest stop TP, which is more like wax paper and just about as absorbant.

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