Monthly Archives: January 2008


Quite awhile ago, I wrote a post about compliments.  If I could find/remember (ha!) my log-in for my old blog, I could hook you up with a link.  I remember I got a ton of comments that day and we all enjoyed that huggy, smiley, glad-I-came-here kind of feeling.  I’m going to aim that high again today by asking you to share with us.

We all like to get compliments.  Some of us are more gracious at accepting them than others.  It took me until just a few years ago to learn how to accept a compliment.  Most of the time, when someone offers you a compliment, it is their intention to make you feel good.  When you counter with comments such as these below, it does nothing more than make the complimenter feel uncomfortable and they will most likely reconsider the idea of complimenting you in the future.

  • Oh yeah. Right.
  • What, this old thing?  I dug it out of laundry basket and just threw it on.
  • You must need your bi-focals changed.
  •  It’s a hand-me-down from my step-monster.
  •  I think it was a re-gift. (Big faux pas She gave you that for your birthday, moron.)

Anyway, there are way more acceptable ways to thank your complimenter for noticing that you put forth some degree of effort in your appearance.  Or how you pulled off that dinner party.  Or how you made their day or whatever.

By and large, I find the absolute best way to accept a compliment is also the easiest way.  No second guessing or wondering if there is some ulterior motive involved.  Look that person straight in the eye, muster up the biggest smile you can and say, sincerely, “Thank you so much.”  When you say it enough times, it starts coming out automatically and you don’t even have to stop and think about it.

What I would like to know is this:  What is the greatest compliment that you’ve received?  Feel free to add how that compliment made you feel and/or what your reaction was.

I receive so many compliments on a daily basis that it would be impossible for me to narrow it down to the one greatest. So I won’t.

Had you going there, didn’t I? *giggles*

Incidentally, just the other day someone told me I was “cool as hell.” (really!)  Considering that the only thing I have ever aspired to be, is COOL, I have to say that (for this week anyway,) that was my best compliment.  It made me feel, well… very cool.  And if you get hot flashes as often as I do, that’s never a bad thing.  😉


One Wink at a Time has not been such a fun place lately. I need to do something about that. I will. Give me a little while to come up with something. Any suggestions for a feature or something everybody might be interested in? Remember way back when, I used to post trivia questions and the music I listened to that day. Most of you who read now probly didn’t read then. You missed out. I used to be fun and interesting. (I can say that because you don’t know if I’m telling the truth or making it up!)

I went and got my hair cut this morning. It was amazingly therapeutic. My head feels 4 and a half times better. Maybe later I’ll download some music, eat some serious chocolate and start a new book. You can’t stop me. (Remember the comedian, Fred Stoller? I think he was on a tv show for awhile and just kept getting less and less funny…)

So I did the wine and movie thing last night. I finished one and fell asleep in the middle of the other one.

I think it was last weekend that I decided not to post on the weekends anymore because hardly anyone reads on the weekend. See how fast I change my mind.

Saw a sign this morning that I’m guessing is Valentine-related. Said, “Nothing says I Love You like a gas card.” Yeah, baby. Buy me a gas card for Valentine’s Day and I will be All. Over. You. Like a bad rash.


Today was not such a good day. My workday consisted of performing an 8-hour series of mindless tasks. Which afforded me 8 hours of thinking time. Ordinarily I might welcome that kind of day but today, not so much. I’m not sure whether to blame it on the cold meds I’m taking or just my present state of mind. It was like WWIII was set and fought (both sides, losing) in this arena we (jokingly, sometimes…) refer to as my head.

It became painfully obvious to me well before 9am that the consequences of a neglected mind can be brutal. There were so many unresolved issues and random thoughts in my head that they just kind of avalanched and left me buried in my own brain dump at the bottom of the hill. Try as I might to concentrate on a single thing, to even untangle one knotted thread was an exercise in futility.

But today did serve a purpose. I’m quite convinced that I need to slow down. Quit cramming so much in. Let some out. And find some quiet time, just for me and my best friend (my brain.)

Tonight I plan to curl up with a bottle of wine and a borrowed copy of Casablanca. If I don’t like it any better than I did the first time, then it will just be me and the wine.


Okay, so maybe I had the means to post while in NY but not the inclination.  I was busy reading assorted books with Julian, having tea with Madeline and dancing with Drew.  We had a really nice time with the JuJu’s despite the cold temperatures and the speed with which the weekend flew.  It seemed as if we’d just arrived when it was time to leave.  As always, Ju is a great hostess and took great care of us.  Wouldn’t let me lift a finger.  Here’s a typical scene:

I approach the dish drainer with a dish towel in my hand with the intention of drying dishes so that JuJu can relax.  Instead I’m ordered to “Go play with your grandchildren!”  Okay, no argument there.  You don’t have to tell me twice! 🙂

On the way out we stopped at a record store I’d spied on a couple of previous trips.  We wanted to case the joint and decide if we might like to make it a routine stop on our trips.  All I needed was to see the huge selection of cds and hear the Replacements blaring on the PA system.  Yes, we include the store in our future travels.

Forgive me, I could and should have included several links in this post but I feel a bugger of a headache coming on and I’d just like to say, despite some treacherous and interesting driving conditions, we made it there and back safely (Thanks Chris… and Mr. Moon) and Thanks For a Great Weekend to the JuJu’s.  Love You Lots!!!


Packing up and heading North for the weekend.  Despite the foreboding weather forecast which is calling for snow, snow, and more snow.

Note to self:  Pack long underwear, mittens, and those nifty little hand-warmer gel-pak thingies.

See you Tuesday.  Oh wait! I have a laptop now.  Maybe before that 🙂


Some of my angst is a result of conflicting emotions. That’s nothing new for me, I can remember feeling “torn” for most of my life. One of the reasons I have such a hard time making decisions is that because most of the time I can see both sides of every issue. It’s hard for me to take sides for the same reason. If you read my Pisces profile (HERE’S MY SIGN) you are aware that Pisces is kind of a conglomeration of all the other signs. There are a few things that I feel strongly about (injustice, prejudice of any kind, inconsideration, to name a few) but on many things I find myself maintaining a neutral stance, simply because I understand the good and bad points of both sides.

When I was growing up I had several groups of friends and they were at opposite ends of whatever spectrum you might assign them to. I had friends who were considered academic or intellectuals. I had my”arty” friends. I had rowdy friends. I had religious friends and (I hesitate to use this word, but…) friends who were considered “misfits”. I was completely comfortable in each of those groups. They all “fed” different aspects of my personality. I didn’t identify more with one group or another. At different times during the day or week or year, I gravitated more here or there depending on my moods or what I was interested in at the time. (Or how much babysitting money I had saved up…)

Still today, if you would gather my closest and near-closest friends and put them in a room together, I’m hard pressed to say what could take place. The only thing they could really claim to have in common would be me. Looking around the room, you would see a group including, but not limited to; at least one teacher, nurse, retiree, engineer, alcoholic, computer geek, hair stylist, world traveler, chef, cashier, actor, college professor, pilot, stay-at-home-mom, receptionist, cancer survivor, poet, musician, smart-ass, biker, bible reader, college student. Some of those are the same person, I’m just illustrating their collective diversity. Some believe in God, some don’t. Some are white, some are female, some are half my age. I’m not even going to attempt to include online friends that I have yet to meet in the flesh. Or family members I like to hang with. Now there’s another diverse bunch…

But anyway. I’m always into different stuff. I never end up completely submerging myself to a point where I would be able to say, “Yes, I’m an expert on this,” or “You can ask me anything about that.” It’s frustrating. And sometimes I completely wear myself out bouncing back and forth between A and B. Not only is my attention span lacking, I get bored easily and find myself moving on to something else.

There is an upside to this weirdness that I call my personality. I know at least a little about a lot of things. I can honestly say that if I find myself amidst a bunch of strangers, I can always find something to start up a conversation and hold up my end for a little while anyway. I’m usually okay until someone starts talking about current events or politics or television or sports and then I’m at a distinct disadvantage. It rough… most adult conversations center around those very subjects.

My ex-brother-in-law once gave me one of my favorite compliments. He said to me, “You know, we could take you anywhere and you would fit in.” The more I thought about it the more it meant to me.

But sometimes lately I’m thinking, yeah, that’s great, but maybe I would rather fit just one place and be content there for a very long time.


My daughter, (referred to here most oftenly as) JuJu, rolls her eyes at my fascination with coincidences. I experience them on an uncannily frequent basis and while I don’t share every single one, I do tend to gush over the truly freaky ones. Freaky in my opinion, anyway.

Well, it just so happens that I experienced one just this morning that I’m not only going to share with Ju but all ‘a you too. Hold on to your knickers, I’m tellin’ ya…

Yesterday on the way to the mall, PD informed me that we needed to stop at the auto parts store to purchase oil for my car, as he was planning to change the oil in my car today. We went through the same conversation as usual when I volunteer to pay to have it done and he recites all the reasons that it’s cheaper for him to do it for me.

So we stopped and as it turned out (don’t quote me on this…) he wanted 30 grade oil and they only had 20- and 40 grade oil in stock. So he bought the 20 grade. I asked if that was acceptable, considering the requirements of the warranty on my car. He started to explain that the higher grade oils are thicker and the 40 grade might be too thick and cause problems. I interrupted (my bad) and said “So it would be better to use a runnier oil than a thicker oil?” to which he replied in an assentive manner. The conversation continued but that is all, dear reader, that you need to know to grasp the magnitude of my coincidence.

So this morning I’m reading my daily blog list and I come across an interesting post that suggested I visit a site that will conjure up a list of anagrams for my name. Hmmm, that sounds fun. So I go here. And I type in my name and this is what comes up. Let your eyes feast themselves on the seventh anagram.

Don’t even tell me the hairs on your arms aren’t doing that funny little dance number.

HERE’S MY SIGN (Don’t say it…)

I’m going to preface my next post by sharing some Pisces indications courtesy of Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs. I’m sharing to give you some very accurate insight to my personality for those who do and don’t know me so well. It’s kind of a way of giving you some background so’s you know the inherent traits I have to work with and some of the issues I deal with on a daily basis. I’m not saying I’m an astrology freak or that I blame my problems on the stars or the day upon which I happened to be born. I’m just saying that Ms. Goodman can give you a better description of my personality than I ever could hope to. Also, if you’ve ever had dealings on a personal level with someone born under the sign of the Fishes, you may have a fair idea of the kind of peoples we are. I’m just listing short excerpts so as not to overwhelm you. I think maybe this is what “paraphrasing” means? I’m creditting all the words in blue to Ms. L. Goodman. I’m assuming that is legal? If you know otherwise, Speak Up Please.

Very few can stand being confined for long in one place… There’s little worldly ambition in (these people.) … wouldn’t give a minnow for rank, power, leadership… wealth holds little attraction… heart free of greed… lack intensity, almost a carelessness about tomorrow… intuitive knolwledge of yesterday, general tolerance of today. (Must) fight their way upstream… it takes less effort to go with the current wherever it takes them. But to swim upstream is the challenge of Pisces- and the only way he ever finds true peace and happiness. Taking the easy way is a trap for (them)… a glittering bait that entices them, while it hides the dangerous hook- a wasted life. (She’s) indifferent to most limiting restrictions, if they don’t rob her of her freedom to dream and feel her way through life… can be bitingly sarcastic… will take the path of least resistance… very little will excite her to violent action or reaction… born with the desire to see the world through rose-colored glasses… knows well enough about the seamy side of reality but prefers to live in her own watery, gentle world where everyone is beautiful and all actions are lovely… (when reality becomes too terrible to face) escapes into rosy daydreams. The Pisces symbol of two fish swimming in opposite directions indicate that the Neptunian is torn by dual desires… sometimes has difficulty seeing straight ahead (and so) often retreats- (sometimes) to stimulants, artificial emotions and false excitement… (have) fabulous powers of interpretation to project a myriad of emotions… memory is legendary, although with an afflicted Moon or Mercury they can forget their own telephone numbers.

The fish is the twelfth sign, a composite of all the other signs, which is quite a lot to cope with. The one and only quality which originates with (Pisces) is the strange power to stand outside herself and see yesterday, today and tomorrow as one. Her love of music and art, her highly developed senses and versatility, (she inherits from) the other signs but her deep wisdom and compassion belong only to her, culled from her combined knowledge of every human experience. Now that you understand all that, is it any wonder that your Pisces friends are a bit of a puzzle at times, not to mention being outright kooky odd balls on occasion?

Pisceans tend to think that they can live forever and often act as if they believe it fervently… spends most of her excess energy (doen’t have much to spare) taking on burdens of relatives or friends…. can literally hypnotize themselves into or out of anything they choose- including a fears of cats, mice, heights, subways, elevators and people (okay, I have a little problem with the implications of this statement… maybe I should look into this and see if there really is some creedence.)

Humor is one of their secret weapons… grin to cover unshed tears… masters of satire and you may cringe from a bright remark thrown at you so casually that you’re unable to pin down the exact meaning or the intent… it’s usually to cover another emotion the fish wants to hide… some seem crusty and brusque, but it’s only a fragile shell, worn for protection. The world is not yet tuned to the sensitive Piscean wave-length, so to avoid ridicule, she sometimes feigns indifference. The depth of Neptune’s waters causes her to absorb every pain and joy as if it were her own. (if you see what appears as indifference, it is only her way of protecting herself from too much of your pain, it will pass and the real fish will surface.) You’ll frequently find fish who have buried their personal dreams to brighten odd corners of the lives of loved ones… often at the cost of the privacy Pisces seeks and needs… (When a Pisces is forced to twist and turn in two directions at once) will often hide her real emotions.

Pisces lives her life in lonely understanding of truth too deep to express in words. Those who love her or want her for a friend must use their imagination to grasp the strange planes of her mind and emotions.

That last paragraph explains probably more about me than all the other stuff put together. I just don’t see the big picture the way most other peoples do, mostly. And there’s no way I can communicate just exactly what I see. So to even try, would be too much. Remember, I travel the path of least resistance…

SAND PEBBLES (new header)

I can’t even sit still when I’m basking in the sun on the beach. I think that makes me some kind of anti-relaxation freak.

Two years ago, vacationing at Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts, I put together this little pebble composition in the sand by my towel. I’m glad I took a picture of it. Or else I couldn’t share it with you now.


Last week I started sharing some uncomfortable feelings I’ve been having. It may have sounded like depression to some. And while it is depressing, it’s sort of a cycle that I get sucked into every so often. Not sure what a counselor might have to say about it but I’m pretty sure he or she would urge me to come to terms with it by at least one of several means. The trend these days seems to be medicating with some sort of therapy besides. I’m not willing to drug myself to the point of not feeling anything at all as a means to get through the rough stuff. I would rather feel pain than numbness. And I realize that a truly depressed person on medication (or off, for that matter) may very well beg to differ with me. I am totally open to all comments in that regard.

I’m sure I would be instructed or encouraged to make some decisive changes in my life to relieve some of my angst. Therein, I believe, lies the problem; my inability and/or reluctance to make changes. Before this gets any more random or scattered, let me try to explain what I’m feeling. As most of my readers are years and sometimes decades younger than me, I don’t expect many of you to truly grasp where I am. But if even one of you can look ahead and imagine yourself feeling like this, I urge you to start making changes now. I don’t want you to feel like this, ever.

Have you ever spent a weekend anticipating the approval of a bank loan or the outcome of a job interview? Have you ever completely fumbled a task that is normally a breeze for you, (ie. something that you could normally do with your eyes closed) simply because someone was watching over your shoulder? Their scrutiny was just too much for your nerves, I bet. Have you ever gotten on a new roller coaster and a minute and a half into the ride, you thought, what was I thinking? I could die here! Remember when you were little and it was cool to roll down a steep hill? Part of the thrill was the momentum that took over and zapped you of any power to stop.

Can you identify with any (or all) of these feelings? Congratulations and welcome to a piece of my world.

“Angst” is how I’ve chosen to describe the state I dwell in from time to time. It’s a weird word, isn’t it? I thought about it and I was all like, wth, there are too many consonants in that word. (Think Mitch Hedberg…) but then I thought, those letters make “tungsten” and “songstress” and “gangster” work. And then I thought “You are getting way too caught up in that word.” This little peek into the workings of my twisted mind was unintentional. But if you’re reading this, you’ve probly not even batted an eye.

Now let me tell you my take on why I feel this way. I’ve been giving this much thought, of late. Why pay someone to tell you all your quirks and neuroses when God gave you a brain, however flawed and incapacitious it may be? That’s what I always say…

K. Imagine you are 51 years old. You’ve pissed away most of those years in search of yourself and what it might take to make you feel successful/ happy/ fulfilled/whatever . And its not even like you tried 140 different occupations, locations, lifestyles, or endeavors to even afford yourself an inkling of which direction to take. You’ve spent that time IN YOU HEAD imagining what this or that might hold for you. Consequently, you find yourself in the exact same job, area, routine, etc., etc. that you were stuck in the last time you had this dilemma. There were and are many reasons for this- family obligations, financial binds, time constraints. Some of them are even legitimate. Oh, and you can make up as many other reasons to blame it on as there are reasons that you’re stuck.

So you see where I’m going (or not going) with this. I’m stopping for now for digestion and mental regroupment. Thanks for listening and there’s more (oh, hell yeah) where this came from…