TYPICAL FOR MY SIGN

Pisceans always swim in two directions at once. Does that explain anything about me? Just a little infobit that might provide insight on Why I Have Two Subjects Going On At One Time. And I can’t address them both so I’ll just deal with one for now.

In the previous post we were discussing the implications arising from a child dancing in an overly-mature, suggestive manner AND the differences between art and pornography. I will save the latter for later and talk about our (society’s) kids.

Since I posted the video, all my spare thinking time has been consumed with the way our kids are being made to grow up too quickly. We dress them in miniature adult clothes. We push them to walk, talk and poop and never give a thought to allowing them to do these things at their own pace. One thing that has always nauseated me is listening to young parents bragging up their children’s accomplishments in a competitive way with other young parents. I don’t like it at any age, but especially not with small children. There isn’t much to brag about besides basic motor skills at such young ages. Every child is different and develops on their own time line. Some early-developed skills may indicate the child’s potential for intelligence but surely does nothing to insure that the child is going to be a wonderful human being. I myself, would be way more proud to raise a great human being than a genius. Of course, personally, each of my children are exceptional in both respects, so what am I saying? πŸ˜‰

I’m trying to understand why we, as a society, seem to be in such a rush to have our kids lose their innocent, child-like ways.

Maybe Brian can provide some insight into what’s happening in the inner-city with our kids, I only know what I see in movies. It seems to me that so many kids are on the street learning more from older kids than from parents. They learn that they have to be tough. There’s a power thing that goes on in the streets. At what age should a child be expected to understand, or even comprehend, that to be strong is good and to be weak is bad. Their little psyches aren’t developed enough to understand so they learn by imitation. So we have a lot of little street-wise punk types with attitudes where the children used to be. The parents, who should have been parenting them instead of sending them to the streets, can’t understand why the kids are so unmanageable.

You don’t have to go to the city to see what I’m talking about. Even a teacher in a rural school will tell you that kids have no respect for authority. I don’t think kids are taught anymore, what “their place” is. Remember, it used to be said that “Children should be seen and not heard”? I never believed that but this is an extreme example of what I’m trying to illustrate here. We rush our kids out of infancy and toddlerhood and make them into little adults. Then we can’t understand where they get the idea that they have the same rights as adults. The end result is a great big old Clash.

So why can’t we just let our kids be kids? Let’s try to hold on to that precious innocence they revel in. Encourage that wonderful uncontrollable giggle. Help them want to be kids for crying out loud. Teach them hide and seek. Put a blanket on the table and make a tent. Be silly with them. Blow bubbles. Make a mud pie. Don’t park them in front of a video game that teaches them to kill or be killed. There’s plenty of time for that when they get out in the adult world.

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19 responses to “TYPICAL FOR MY SIGN

  1. OMG. I totally agree with what you are saying, and it just validaes why I am a stay at home MOM. My husband and I do not make that much money, but we are willling to make the sacrifice of one income so that I can stay home and raise the kids. I do wonder sometimes if I know what I am doing. I struggle everyday, with the question ” Am I doing the right thing here?”Sometimes, I feel like I talk to the wall, and they don’t listen to me anyway, so what good is it having me stay home. But I do let them be kids. They do have time to play hide and seek, and giggle and make a mess of the house, and just be kids. So while I struggle with discipline sometimes, I think in the long run they will be better off being raised by me. Did I just go off topic?

  2. As you know I too am a stay at home mom. It’s hard to balance fun and discipline when it’s been a very long day and you’ve been there for all of it. My kids do play video games and some may be questionable to some parents for their ages, but I feel that they have enough of a variety in their lives to balance it all. I am confident in the way that I’m raising them and the morality I’m instilling that they won’t go out and kill someone because they saw it on a game, in a movie, or heard it in a song. I definitely agree that kids should know “their place”, I know several that don’t and it’s really annoying to me…..especially when the parent sees what’s going on and doesn’t so much as whisper to their kid! I was raised “to be seen and not heard”….man, kids have it soooooo easy these days! I could go on forever about this, but I’ll be quiet now to give someone else a turn….cause that’s another thing my lovely parents taught me.

  3. Lori and Natalie,
    Do you realize how lucky you are? I have a tremendous respect and admiration for stay-at-home Moms. I was able to stay home with my kids when they were small and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Sure, there were horrendous days, I have journals (writing was my sanity) to prove it, but I was also there for all the good stuff. Your job is the hardest, the most rewarding, and the most valuable (and sadly, the most underpaid.)

  4. My Ex was a stay at home mom. We too made the decision to sacrifice the income for the the kid’s sakes. And I think my kids are turning out pretty good. It’s tough, really tough, but it’s well worth it.
    Parents are afraid to be parents these days. The lingering threat of CYS hangs over their heads because of nosey busibodies who believe that spanking is abuse. You never know if someone is going to call the authorities just because yo gave your kid a swat on the bottom.
    We also have the problem of parents wanting to be friends and not parents. It’s one thing to have a relationship with your kids where you can have fun like buddies. But too many parents forget that their role is to raise their kids to take an appropriate place in our society, not to lower yourself to being another peer. My son and I still play video games together. And we play with Legos and action figures together, too. But he knows where the line is between us. He knows that I’m still Dad, and I will enforce my discpline on him if he steps out of line.
    You also make an excellent point when you mention that kids think they have the same rights as adults. It’s something many parents have told their kids. But none of them are told that every right comes with a corresponding responsibility. None of them are taught to respect the rights of others. So they act as if there are no consequences to their behavior, good or bad, as long as they get what they want. And there’s nothing that anyone can do about it because their parents will fight tooth-n-nail to defend their kids behavior, whether it’s right or wrong. And the lesson that the kids learn is that they can do whatever they want and get away with it since their parents will cover for them.

  5. This just came up and I think is a good example of children being treated as adults…..My oldest son is in 1st grade and there are some mischievious(for lack of a better term) older kids on his bus. They’ve been swearing and flipping people off, and when the bus driver (who has lost all control) was confronted by one of the parents he said “there’s nothing I can do, it’s freedom of speech”. Is that total bs or what?!

  6. If we’re counting on bus drivers to control the kids’ behavior, then we’re really in trouble. It should start waaaay before that. I wouldn’t blame the bus driver for anything except choosing a poor basis for his response (freedom of speech).

    Also, that’s “mischievous,” with no “i” before the “o” and only three syllables when spoken aloud. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it, but it’s one of my pet peeves and grates on me worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. Kind of like “realtor” being pronounced with a sound between the “l” and the “t.”

    That’s something parents should teach their kids before they let them shake their innocent booties to suggestive music.

  7. Michael, Ah! Great points you brought up*. Some parents are afraid to assert their parental authority for fear of some outside organization stepping in. Well, where is this org. going to be when the kids are in reform school or worse? I am curious to know if CYS does any work in that respect, I dunno.
    I think (some) parents are very defensive about their parenting and I believe it’s because parenting is such an ambiguous task (if that’s the term I want…) No one is born knowing how to parent and there is no completely right way to do it and often times, you never know if you’re even doing it right until after the fact. So when someone steps in to criticize, this is what happens.
    And yes, we must teach our kids that their actions can have consequences and that they must be responsible for their behavior at some point.
    I’m starting to wonder if it is out of some kind of narcissistic ego trip that we are raising out kids to be “mini me”s.

    *Don’t tell Mark I ended a sentence with a preposition.

  8. Natalie, I’m betting these parents are those flag-waving types who think the world owes them something. They need to understand that with those rights come responsibilities so they can teach their kids the same. Agreed?

    Oh, and have your way with Mark. I can’t control him. πŸ˜‰

    *sorry, I just realized I mis-read your comment, I thought the parent made the comment about freedom of speech but I see now that it was the bus driver.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Mark, I think we should be able to count on our bus drivers to maintain some sort of behavioral standard on the bus, BUT I agree that the parenting to discourage this behavior should happen way before a child is bus-riding age.

    So you’re saying, and please correct me if I’m wrong, parents should teach their kids to spell before allowing them to dance indecently?

    Um, good luck with Natalie. πŸ˜‰ She’s known (and well-respected) for her spunk.

  9. I agre that kidz shuld b taut at home and not on th buss, butt if they figer out they can git away wit somtin, there gonna if no-onez ther to inforse it.
    Sorry Mark I couldn’t resist!!!

    PS I don’t dance very well, so please excuse my spelling!

  10. Yes, parenting can be an ambiguous task. It’s understandable why some parents would get defensive when criticized. None of the so-called “professionals” agree on which particular style is right. And so many of today’s parents come from broken homes, so they have no real point of reference for what a family unit should look, or act like. Still, we all know what it means to be a functional, productive and civilized member of a society. Some parents just aren’t raising their kids to be that.

    I am troubled by those parents.

    They stubbornly defend their child’s behavior even when that child is clearly unruly and disrespectful of others. They feed their children on the “entitlement” mentality that tells them that somebody owes them something, and it’s their right to take it if they feel someone is standing in the way. They allow their kids to ignore the rules that our kids try to obey because that would be too conformist, too traditional. And, yes, they demand that their kids be given all of their rights without teaching them responsibility. Is that the type of narcissim you’re talking about?

  11. You know, I keep coming back to this idea of social standing: the appearance over substance attitude that populations has adopted.

    Money causes these problems. Global, big picture, it’s not the way those mothers talk, it’s the nature of the evolution and its increments. We’re at this pivot, people want to be seen at the new bistro, with two cars, fashionable purses and nice shoes without having the money to pay for it. Credit, that ever ellusive nought percent interest… Debt, the ever present consequence. So…

    People, viz. parents have to work to feed their vanity amongst social stance, which means the family unit becomes as rare as the blue moon and pride claims ‘career-minded’ mothers. Without the rolling pin threats and good cooked meals, stability and discipline its not much wonder the spawn of today is gradually fitting the term scum. The idea of functioning and performing for the good of society is certainly missing the fabric it once held? Did someone say it was time for a war?

  12. Nat, I’ll leave this one for Mark to address… but I will say this… I think you are an excellent dancer πŸ˜‰

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Michael, you are echoing all my thoughts but putting things into words way better than I. I have problems getting things out. (I’m not a clear, organized thinker and it all gets jumbled up in my head and I can’t go on. Thanks, then for saying it for me.)
    Actually, the narcissism I was referring to is the idea of perpetuating ourselves by creating smaller versions of us. A weird, kind of twisted way of immortalizing, if you will. The problem with this “cloning” is that often, instead of creating a newer, better, improved model, (which would be the end result of consistent, intelligent, loving parenting) is that we end up with just another flawed facsimile of the original. I know, I’m getting overly analytical/critical/whatever. But do you know what I mean? Like dressing up our little girls to be “just like Mommy” but to a more than normal degree. Or like a dad putting undue pressure on a son to be the star athlete he (Dad) never quite pulled off. We often are blinded by our own wishes and shortcomings to the point that we lose sight of the child’s best interests.

  13. BD, Aha! Little by little you’re all helping me get out what I want to say! What you’ve brought out here-which I totally agree with; it’s sooo prevalent in our society- people lose sight of how important the resource of our children is. They are our future, for gawdsake. We run around making money so we can buy all those things to impress our friends at the cost of spending quality time with our kids, teaching them right from wrong and the Golden Rule. Instead, by example they learn that appearances and material possessions are what’s important. And if they see parents acquiring “things” by less than ethical means, they grow up to believe that’s how it’s done. So not only have they learned to live for the wrong reasons, they’ve learned deceitful ways to go about it. Then down the road, when the cookie crumbles and we find ourselves old and lonely, our kids are too busy imitating our mistakes to be bothered with us. Meanwhile, they feel bitter and resentful toward us for leading them down the wrong path… Kind of a vicious cycle. More than vicious, more like horrific.

    Well said, BD. I got you! πŸ˜€

  14. amen sista, i’m with you on this. i am having a hard time watching my son have his first real experiences with the real world without me or his dad by his side to protect him.

    somehow, i want to pull him back in and not be exposed to the conditioning that beats children out of their ability to be children. i haven’t read the last post before this one but i will, seems like it’s up my alley of rants about children.

  15. p.s. you do seem to be a typical pisces. not only is my husband is a pisces, but i have always been surrounded by pisces which i like b/c pisces seem to accept me for who i am and not who they want me to be. i like that about ya’ll.

  16. Ya wanna know what’s really spooky about this conversation?
    I almost included a bit about the kinds of parents you brought up in my last comment. But I thought it would make my comment too longwinded, and burdensome.
    You and I must be on the same wavelength on this topic. The parents I was thinking of are those who are trying to re-live their youths vicariously thru their kids. Dad’s who want their sons to be sports heroes when they’d rather be playing catch with their friends. And mom’s who want their daughters to be gymnasts when they’d rather just dance around with their friends and stuffed animals.

    This is getting creepy. Cue the Twilight Zone theme again…

    As for BD’s comment regarding money being the problem. I beg to differ. Materialism is the problem. It’s the attitude that people have towards money that is the problem. Money, itself is just a tool that we use. Used properly (with discretion), it can do wonders for a culture. Used unwisely (selfishly and without restraint), it becomes a curse.

  17. Michael, Reading what you wrote all sounded like a repeat to me, so if I didn’t write it, I was thinking it. Yes, we do have very similar, if not mirrored views on parenting. I wonder how much alike our kids are??? Ha. I’ll have to pay more attention when you post about them. Oh wait, if we have “mirrored” views, does that mean alike or backwards???

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Piglet, I’m not saying you’re a good parent because you agree with me, but You Are, so I must be right. πŸ˜‰ One of the hardest things about parenting is knowing when to step back and then watching them make their own mistakes. It hurts as bad as when they get shots or boo-boos. But… that’s how they learn.
    Speaking of signs, you are??? I’m going to post soon about birthdays, I have little bits of paper all over the place with online friends’ birthdays and I need to get them all in one place, my Yahoo calendar seems to be where I think I’d like them.
    Oh yeah, we Pisceans accept you because we are into rilly rilly cool stuff that’s cute and funny and smart.

  18. i am an aquarian, feb 2nd and pretty much a “textbook” aquarian. i did however buy this really neat book that you must read if you are into astrology. it’s called “astrology for the soul” by jan spiller. it goes into a person’s “north node sign” which i’d never heard of until i read the book.

    i’ve never experienced another astrology book that was so on the mark about people. fer reals, you gotsa get it πŸ™‚

  19. It was pretty much the same as what you wrote. I was simply sharing what I was going to share in the previous comment.
    Not too sure how similar our kids might be. I get the feeling your daughter has her life in better order than mine does.
    Mirrored would mean a reflection of. So I get the feeling some of our views reflect the similarities in our way of thinking. But I also know that some of our views are quite the reverse of each others. But those are topics for another day.

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