I’m going to blame my state of mind of late on the medication I’m taking. There is no other explanation for my behavior recently. Or rather, I should say, the way I’ve been feeling. I can’t say the least little thing sets me off, it takes a wee bit more than that, but sheesh. I kinda feel like a time bomb every now and then. One thing that’s really bothering me is that I keep catching myself clenching my teeth. That’s a surefire way to end up with achy jaws. And that would just be one more thing for me to complain about. Remember the other day when I was cranky? Well… that was just a preview for what I’m feeling the past couple of days. I’m afraid to even ask PD if it’s obvious that I’m “going through something.” He’d say something smart and I’m worried I’d haul off and clout him upside the head.

So here now, is my immediate concern. Monday morning I’m starting to work those 4 10-hour days. Feeling like I do, I’m not anticipating a good week. At all. I’m thinking it might do me some good to blow off some steam here and not start off next week in pressure-cooker mode. If you’re not up for a cranky female bitch barrage, you might want to maybe go laugh at Girls Are Pretty of something as entertaining. I’m going to outline a few things that have been especially irritating to me this week.

  • Why do some people insist on speaking only in cliches, on and on an on? Example: “Is it Thursday?” “Yep, all day,” ala Einstein. My jaw is tensing… Or, as I’m relating a crazy dream I had last night, the neb-nose who butts in and says “Wow, what did you eat before bed?”
  • If you ask me who sings a certain song and I tell you, don’t scrunch up your face and shake your head and say, “Nah, I don’t think so.” You asked me dammit, I told you. Next time ask your uncle.
  • If you’re a waitress and you ask if I need “a few more minutes,” that does not translate into leave and never come back. Duh.
  • If you’re in front of me driving and smoking a cigarette and speaking animatedly on your freakin’ cellphone, that is no excuse for not using a turn signal. So don’t get pissed if I ram your back bumper. (I didn’t ram her, it was just a fantasy.)
  • If there are under-dressed teenage girls jumping up and down on the side of the road waving “CARWASH” signs who cause you to drift across the yellow line into on-coming traffic which includes me, please don’t be alarmed when I take a baseball bat and beat you about the head and rubber neck. (Fantasy #2)
  • When there are only 4 stalls and I have to pee, why must you insist on taking up a stall to change into shorts so your fat ass won’t sweat on your way to your car? It’s a ladies room for crying out loud, and although I don’t care to see your ratty underwear, most women don’t care.
  • I only picked up one item in the grocery store. Way at the back of aisle 732. Why does it wait until I’ve been standing in the checkout line for eight and a half minutes to show no price?

Why, after all this “getting it out” do I only feel moderately less irritable? I don’t like feeling like this. And I hesitate to post about this because I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. I know this is selfish, I know it’s temporary. I know I have lots to be thankful for. I’m just mad that I gotta take these pills and not only are they making me miserable, I feel sorry for anyone who has to be around me. And you reading here. So if you want, just pretend you didn’t read this and I promise I won’t check the site meter to see if you dissed me 😉

A little heads up… I still got a month or so to go of this. Consider yourself warned. And I apologize in advance.

OH YEAH,  if you’re interested, there’s an interview with Meat Loaf on A&E Private Sessions to be aired Sunday August 19th at 9am.  You’ll have to figure out your own station and time zone.  Sorry.

9 responses to “NO NEED TO GO ALL POSTAL

  1. You need more “Kate-apy” You have to refresh my memory. What medication are you taking..just so I don’t ever take it. LOL I think we all have days like that, when everything and anyhing could set us off. Just try to concentrate on the positive. Easier said than don, I know. Just take on e10 hour shift at a time, and try not to look at the big picture.

  2. I was fine with all this until you said I have to look up my own station and time zone.


  3. Lori, it’s Provera, you should be able to click on the link up there. Luckily, I’m only on it temporarily. The doc warned “irritability and mood swings.” I love how he always gives it to me straight…

    Mark, you lazy ass. I’m sure you can figure out Arts and Entertainment channel and, … dammit you had me going. Do not screw with a woman on Provera, I tell you! By the way, I love you too.

  4. this is one of my BIGGEST peeves (i have a neighbor that does it all the time. next time she does it i’m going say “ask your uncle”!

    “If you ask me who sings a certain song and I tell you, don’t scrunch up your face and shake your head and say, “Nah, I don’t think so.” You asked me dammit, I told you. Next time ask your uncle.”

    i LOVE LOVE mark’s response, i nearly fell off my chair 🙂 (unless of course you don’t know him, in which i will go and stalk his blog…)

  5. as for the meds, that SUCKS!

    i don’t feel sorry for you either, but wondered if you took out stimulants if it’d help on the irritable thing. (except it sounds like you need to stay awake at work so that idea sucks.)

  6. Hang in there….when can you look forward to being off of this evil med?

  7. I think front fender-mounted machine guns would solve a lot of your problems. I’ve long fantasized about having them installed on my Accord, so it resembles a World War I-era Sopwith Camel sporting Maxim guns. People get in your way, drive too slowly, weave in traffic . . . or if you just don’t like the color or make of their car . . . just fire away. Laugh heartily as the .50 caliber bullets rip into the sheet metal of a gas-guzzling Yukon. Enjoy the sight of the burning hulk careening off the side of the road the way German jeeps and trucks slide off the road ablaze in one of those 1960s war movies (like “The Longest Day” or “The Battle of the Bulge”). Just imagine the satisfaction.

  8. I don’t think we laughed enough when you were here! I wish I could help.
    My advice, even though you didn’t ask, is to call the doctor and get off of the meds or get on a better one. You shouldn’t have to feel like that.
    Story I forgot to tell you- not as good as “Not rrrreally!”:
    When Mary Anne and I were at the bookstore at the Vineyard, this young guy Yelled at this older man talking on a cell phone in the store to take his conversation outside. As we were walking down the street later, we were saying how rude that young guy was for trying to read an entire book in the store and telling the older man off. All of a sudden, we hear a man standing outside the next store say,” Actually…I bought that book!! ” OOPS!

  9. Piglet, that happens to me, like once a day.
    Mark is a good bud of mine, or else of course he couldn’t call me a bitch and make fun of my age… but he’s really rather well-behaved on his blog. He comes here to let it out sometimes… huh, Mark? 😉 He’s a seriously sweet guy. A little windy, but sweet.
    I don’t know, (stimulants) I do drink a lot of coffee but that’s a good question. I’ll ask George when I talk to him. Thanks.

    Hazel, I start my last two-week dose on the weekend, so that’s not too much longer.

    Brian, you made me laugh so hard. I read this twice and laughed out loud both times. I can just picture it… I used to threaten to carry a brick in my car for this reason. And before that I wanted the dart gun with the little “stupid” darts that Gallagher the comedian used to talk about. But I like your idea much better! I’m wondering who’s nutser, you or me!

    Kate, we laughed plenty. If you noticed, I was just fine (wasn’t I???) while we were together.
    I only have to be on the Provera a little longer and I’m managing ok. PD told me today I seem calmer. Not only that, I embellish a bit for the sake of readability and (my idea of) humor for the blog, you know. I’m not really feeling all that violent. 😉
    This story from the Vineyard is crazy. I was thinking this is the sort of thing that would happen with you and me… so see, it must be YOU. 😉

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