FRIENDLY BANTER GONE AWRY

[PD and I performing outdoor chores and general yard maintenance, happily.  At first.]

PD:  That doesn’t make much sense, one glove on and one off.

Me:  Why must you criticize every little thing I do?

PD:  You’re talking out your ass…

Me:  Grrrrr.

I continue pulling dead stalks out from the hydrangea bushes.

PD:  Why don’t you get the loppers?

Me, much less happily by now:  I wouldn’t want to do anything Right.

PD:  Why don’t you just go in the house, I know you don’t feel good.  No need to take it out on me.

Me:  (speechless as in, where the hell did that come from???)

Just aboot two minutes later…

PD:  I’m sorry, (insert pet nickname here)

Me:  It just feels like you’re picking on me.

PD:  What are you talking about?

I repeat the glove comment.  PD shakes head, acting as if I made it up.  I decide to keep my mouth shut for the duration…

PD: Here.  Take care of your garbage. 

[He hands me the empty flower bulb box, which I begin to rip into pieces so that it will fit manageably into the trash can.]

PD:  What are you doing?  Just throw it in there.

Me:  I thought I would make this easier for you.

PD: Just throw it in the bag.

My head exploded just then.

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19 responses to “FRIENDLY BANTER GONE AWRY

  1. What? That kind of conversation isn’t normal? Oops! Just kidding! I think we all have those days of feeling like we’re being “picked on”. And those days suck cause it does make you feel like you never do anything right!

  2. Quite often when I try to “be friendly” by creating a conversation from content silence, it goes south quickly.

    Of course, if I didn’t start out with, “So, the jeans that don’t make your ass look big were dirty this morning, huh?” maybe I’d have better luck!

  3. sometimes the huz and i debate over the smallest things. we both have the exact right way to do things. we break things down to very minute levels that makes innocent people’s heads explode.

  4. Nat, not normally normal, no. (say that ten times fast) I do, however, find myself often saying “why the criticism?” simply because I do things in my own way and PD is more traditional with his methods. I just can’t believe sometimes that he hasn’t learned things work for me. I got this far, right? Yeah, well…

    Mark, hence the phrase, “Silence is Golden” ?
    I seriously doubt you’ve ever said that to Shannon. And survived… 😉

    Piglet, you’ve gotten my point, precisely. Why am I not surprised, girlfriend? xo

  5. Happy Mother’s Day!

  6. I’d like to apologize for men everywhere. Sometimes we can’t help it, being from Mars and all.

    You think Mark is making up what he wrote, sadly, he is not.

    Happy Mother’s Day!

  7. Mark, Thank you, Darlin’ 🙂

    Alvis, No need. I’ve never been one to lump all men into one category. Most of the problems between Men and Women, I believe, are because the sexes generalize about the other. We just have different methods of communicating and coping, don’t you think? And sometimes, no matter how great a relationship is, two people having an off day at the same time spells disaster.
    I love to find out scoop about friends. Can we do lunch and you can tell me all about this other (masochistic) side of Mark? 😉
    Thanks for the Mother’s Day wishes.

  8. No Linda, you are wrong on that one, men are pigs and I admit it!
    That is a conversation that would have went out of control fast with me at the lead. I have a tendency to say something waaaaayyyyy before I think about what it is. Tends to get me in trouble!

  9. Amigo, methinks your statement is a bit harsh, and coming from you, hard to swallow.
    I guess these kinds of conversations tend to show us in less than our best light. PD’s grandfather imparted some very wise words that stuck with me- “Less said, less mended.”

  10. What about, less said less known?

  11. Almost, less heard less known.

  12. BD, Nice. How’s this? Less do, less done. Or my new favorite, less posts, less comments 😉

  13. So why just one glove? I gotta know.

  14. Hello Everyone,

    I am a golfer myself and I like to play whenever I get a chance.
    A short while ago, a very good friend of mine told me about a great golfing equipment and accessories website that has discounted prices on all their products, same day shipping in most cases and there is no state sales tax, they are paying that.
    So if any golfer here is ready to save some money on quality products at highly discounted prices, you might want to check out their site at; http://hoffmangolf.com

  15. GoGolfer, Kindly GoF***Off. I hate golf. The grass, the clubs, the balls, the carts, the holes, the pars, the birdies, the eagles, the tees. The whole sport, and I use that term loosely, is laughable. Sorry, Tiger. Don’t take it personal. And yes, as a matter of fact, someone did piss in my Froot Loops today.

  16. But the Hoff is the business…

  17. BD, oh for crying out loud, there my mouth has gone and got me kicked in the ass yet another time. I was kidding about surrendering. But now I just Give Up.
    Oh wait, what am I saying??? This is my f***ing blog. I will say what I want and when I want to. F*** it. As soon as I can talk my hormones into forming a united front, I could possibly, conceivably become a force to be reckoned with. In the mean time, I’ll just shut the hell up and let the hot flashes have their way with me.
    Who the heck is The Hoff and why does he get capital letters???

  18. Relax, but I’m shocked and amazed you don’t know the Hoff

  19. BD, are you telling me that I told Mr. Hasslehoff to F*** off? LOLTTPOT

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