“WAKE UP!!!”

Dear Lady in the Blue Hyundai Elantra* ;

Please alert me the next time you will be on the road leading to my place of employment between 6:30am and 7am.  It could save your life.  And my sanity.

For future notice, please note:

  • A mere smattering of raindrops hardly merits driving at speeds normally reserved for hazardous weather conditions.
  • A speed limit sign indicates a number of miles per hour suggested by some asshole an educated branch of our highway authorities to be the top speed which would insure safe travel on any given stretch of road posted with said limit. It is not a number which equals X in the formula in your head- { Xmph – 20mph = Travel Speed }
  • The occasion of another vehicle pulling out onto the road way approximately one quarter mile ahead of you does not require braking.
  • A bend in the road does not require braking.
  • A vehicle behind you riding up your ass does not require braking.
  • In a passing zone, speeding up to prevent the pissed-off driver behind you other drivers from passing is grounds for immediate  surrender of driving privileges. 

Just a few friendly suggestions to help you keep from being victim to a case of road rage.  And to keep me from starting out my day on a sour note.



PS  Couldn’t you hear me yelling at you?

* with the stupid Steelers/Penguins/Assorted Other Shit magnets all over the back of your car

14 responses to ““WAKE UP!!!”

  1. I live in a retirement area….lots of golf courses, hospitals and old people who panic everytimg another human is driving on the same road as them…I feel your pain…

  2. Mishka, My condolences, Sweetheart. When I start driving like that, just shoot me. Nothing irritates me as much as someone who can’t abide by my driving rules 😉

  3. i used to travel to orlando quite often for my old job and dear god in heaven they were the WORST driving folks i’ve ever seen.

    these things drive me crazy, when people just don’t respect the “rules” of the road. there is a special place in hell for me thinks….

  4. I think a vehicle riding on my ass DEFINITELY requires braking… of the very sudden type. I’ve never done it to anyone, but it’s always fun to flirt with the possibility when someone’s riding my ass.

    I’m not defending this person who was in front of you. Your post just gave me that random thought. Some people ride my ass when I’m driving above the speed limit (x+5). Those people are assholes.

  5. Piglet, I’m so with you on the special place… I think driving hell should consist of perpetual driving on a cloverleaf with no off ramps or something…

    Feanor, PD read my post and said “you weren’t riding this lady’s ass, were you?” My answer was “No, I just added that for effect.” I really wasn’t. I respect the ‘one carlength per each 10 mph’ rule. Honest.

  6. I feel your pain. People who go to slow are as infuriating as the people who drive too fast and tailgate me. 🙂

    I wrote a post about driving sometime back, but won’t link to it so this won’t appear as blog spam.

  7. you need to move to Vegas, everyone drives insanely fast here!!

    love this post!!

    xo ~Bella

  8. Alvis, glad to hear I’m not alone in this. You can mail me the link to your post if you’d like. My addy is up there in Who Is This?

    Bella, that an invitation??? 😉 My karma is to get there one day, doesn’t seem to be in the stars any time soon, tho’.

  9. And this is why I want a Tank. Screw the Hummers, give me something with High Explosive ammo….

  10. M+, YES! A man after my own heart!!! Git ‘er done, dude 😉

  11. I was driving to a neighboring town recently when a round object was released from the driver’s window of the car in front of me. It bounced a little, but I couldn’t tell if it was a softball, doll head, or what. I had to swerve out of my lane onto the shoulder pretty seriously to avoid it hitting my windshield. It looked like a (remarkably resilient and firm!) apple when it finally passed by. I admit that I did speed up to the car in order to make my anger visible to the (ir)responsible party. It was a woman I know from my own town and she is on the city planning commission. I do not look forward to meeting up with her in the future. I am still upsetenough to engage her in a non-friendly fashion.

    Thanks for letting me vent here.

  12. DDS, Hi, good to see you back.
    I bet you were like all wtf? when that happened. People like that are oblivious to everyone and everything around them I think. Like people who toss cigarette butts out their windows… I don’t know, it seems the older I get, my tolerence for ignorance and stupidity is waning quickly. This post proves to me that a lot of us are carrying around a lot of road stress that hopefully doesn’t one day turn to rage.

  13. Sounds safe…

  14. BD, So glad you came back, I lost track of you. Was trying to remember the name of your blog over the weekend and was drawing a blank… I’m bookmarking you this time!

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