MODERATE DENSITY

It’s taken me nearly half a century but I think I have found the secret to weight gain.

I probly lost all of my readers just then. 

I am the only person I know who has been on a life-long un-diet.  I’ve tried peanut butter sandwiches.  Ice cream.  I have only counted calories for one short period of aboot two months in my life.  That being, when I was pregnant with JuJu and had gained 40 lbs. as opposed to the total of 20 lbs in 9 months of pregnancy with Michael, my firstborn.  Even after Ju was born when I had maxed out at 158 lbs, I tried to keep some of that extra baby weight on my lanky bones and was unsuccessful.  I think I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight within days of her birth.

I think it’s all in my metabolism.  The other female members in my family seem to have the opposite problem.  None of them are overweight but they work at it.  I exercise sporadically.  I dearly wish I possessed the wherewithal to keep at it.  Toning and tightening I could use.  But as for actual daily exercise, I suck.  But I rarely sit still.  It pains me to sit in a chair for an entire two hours to watch a movie.  When there is music on, I’m moving.  I don’t walk up or down stairs, I run.  I can’t walk slow.  I’m just very active.  So I’m sure I burn up calories as quick as I take them in.  I’m no slouch in the eating department, you can ask anyone who knows me.  I can seriously wolf large amounts of food.  And enjoy every minute of it. 

Recently, though, I’ve noticed jeans getting snugger.  I really looked in the mirror after showering the other night and happily found that my collarbone no longer sticks out.  I can’t count my ribs.  Woo hoo!  Curious, I stepped on the scale and found that I had gained 6 pounds.  And to what do I attribute this gain?  There is only one thing that I have been doing differently or have added to my already calorie-laden diet.  Aboot a month ago I started supplementing my 1/2 cup of coffee with English Toffee Cappuccino.  That is the only thing I know of that could possibly have accounted for the new weight.

So, if you’re feeling scrawny or just would like to bulk up a bit, I’m tellin’ ya, half a cuppa joe plus half cappuccino.  I recommend the English Toffee, but I imagine anything else would do.  Except maybe the fat-free French Vanilla.

19 responses to “MODERATE DENSITY

  1. I’d share this info with my mother, who has weighed 86 lbs. for at least 10 years now, and would like to gain a few pounds (she doesn’t even activate the passenger side airbags in my car unless she’s holding something on her lap). But she’d just lecture me about all of the sugar and how poisonous it is to our bodies, and blah, blah, blah…

  2. Wow just imagine what could happen if you went cold turkey and had STRAIGHT CAPPUCINO!

  3. So, pretty soon you’ll be “two winks at a time.”

    Yeah, I know. Sorry.

    A very skinny girl in high school told me her doctor recommended bananas as a healthy way to gain weight.

    You are a silly little monkey, so it shouldn’t be much of a stretch for you.

  4. Let me be the first to wish you a huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FATTY!!

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist, and would it have killed you to pass down some of that metabolism to me?

  5. I LOVE English toffee cappuccino. I try to have one every day. More if I have the need to be bouncing off the walls!

  6. I’ve found that excessive fast food and forgetting to do any type of exercise will gain weight. Unfortunately, I sense it’ll catch up to me (supersize me). Anyway, you can fire back at Juju for being a fatty because she was the one that made you abnormally obese during pregnancy.

  7. This is where the problems of our culture stem from…158 is not abnormally obese!!

    maybe a little on the chubby side, but not obese 😉

  8. Yours is a problem both my wife and I would like to have. I *am* a chocoholic, so that doesn’t help matters much. And an almost complete lack of exercise these days. *sigh*

    O, summer, how I miss you!

  9. I have a pretty good metabolism…but even I can’t go hog wild like I did when I was a lad. But I work with a guy like you, Linda. He weighs about 115 and is constantly trying to put on weight. He’ll start on weight gainer and hit the weights but every time he hits 125 lbs…he gets sick and looses the weight back.

    And while I symapthise with you…look on the bright side. Of the two ways your metabolism could screw you, you definitely got the more fun adn healthier of the options. But I’m glad you’re getting so much from your coffee these days. I was half afraid your miracle cure was going to be Coffee Crisp bars 😉

  10. I have a similar metabolism. I can eat anything I want and not really have to worry about gaining weight. I weigh between 150-155 pounds right now and it’s the most I’ve ever weighed in my life. And it’s probably a good weight for me, so no worries.

    My waist size changes from time to time, but I usually seem to weigh about the same as always, I figure parts of my body are shifting, or I’m bloated. 🙂

  11. lucky you. my older sister has that problem. then i killed her so she’s no longer a problem 🙂

  12. dude, are you jujubee’s mom?! holy hell! and i found you via grampa’s blog? was it just a coincidence? i’m a longtime fan of the peevery…

  13. Piglet, Synchronicity is practically a religion for me. I guess you and I were bound to meet up sooner or later and most likely for a good reason. You wanna pursue this and figure out what someone’s got planned for us???

  14. So, everyone else in your family hates you, yes?

  15. PM, Hey Hi! Actually, now that you say that, I am recalling certain incidents where this might be the only logical explanation… Quite a few now that I’m concentrating. Son of a gun. Sheesh. Maybe they’ll like me now, all porky like this. We can have weigh-ins before and after holiday meals. I’ll be the black sheep no more!

  16. “You wanna pursue this and figure out what someone’s got planned for us???”

    hell yeah, i’m game 🙂 life’s too short to be safe, ain’t it?!

  17. Piglet. Ok, so you were at the Peevery. You “met” Juju there. I was at Grandpa’s who I followed from Drink Jack. You followed me from Grandpa’s or did I follow you? Then you found me at Ju’s. Do I have this right? We’ll go from there. I bet we wear the same nail polish. 😉 In all sincerity, I do believe we will find “the” connection.

  18. yes, i know of juju via the peevery. and i met grampa via “being the boy”, didn’t know he had a previous blog by a different name.

    i followed you from grampa’s place 🙂 so officially, i am the stalker in this…

  19. ok, i *got* it after i posted the last comment. you met grampa via the drink jack blog….

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