Any of you who have been reading me for awhile, probly remember that last year when I turned fifty I was
disgustingly smug and all happy and shit. Am I right? Well, nearing the big Five One in less than a month, I’m looking back over this past year and I’m a-shakin’ my head. Firstly, at the incredulousness of the speed with which the year has flown. Translation: I can’t believe 50 is almost over. I still feel like fifty is great, don’t get me wrong. I love the way my mind has, for lack of a better word, reshaped itself. My whole way of thinking has changed and mostly for the better. There is a kind of mental house-cleaning that happens and helps to prioritize “things.” Things like how unimportant make-up is most of the time. Things like, it’s ok to wear sweatpants to the grocery store. Things like what I think is more important than what most anyone else thinks. It’s ok to look silly as long as I’m having fun. And when just aboot everyone is younger than you, you can get away with more. If someone questions you or calls you on it, you just give them a look and nine times out of ten they’ll back off, simply because you’re old. Yeah, so you have to put up with twits calling you “Ma’am,” and people asking you if you want the senior discount, stuff like that. But all in all, it’s better than I expected.
I wrote a Firstly up there. That seems to allude to a Secondly but I’ll be damned if I can remember what I was thinking. What I had originally planned to talk aboot is this weird thing that’s been happening. I don’t know if it’s normal or not. Please ask your mothers and get back to me…
It’s this… One day I’m all confident and feeling like I’ve really done some great things and I’m on track and everything is hunky dory. And maybe I’ll feel like that for ten, twelve, maybe even nineteen days in a row. Then all of a sudden I’ll wake up one morning and think, “Holy crap, what am I doing and when the hell am I going to get anywhere? I’m not getting any younger. Time to get a plan, lady.” Then all that day I’ll be all concerned and try to figure out what I’m doing wrong. A couple of days might go by and then I’m fine. WTF?
I’m not really looking to you guys for answers here, mostly because not one of you is a fifty plus-year-old woman. I just needed to get that out. Of course though, if your mom has any insight…
I’m just blaming it on hormones at this point. Blessed, chaotic hormones. Damn them all to hell. I’ll be fine in fourteen minutes. Or two hours. Or three days, 5 hours and 23 minutes. Who knows? I thought of getting one of those mood meter things for on my sidebar but, a) you know me and b) I wouldn’t have time to keep changing the thing. Oh, and c) I don’t think they make them for
senior citizens grown-ups. But I’m not a grown-up. Screw it.
I’m fine now 🙂