Monthly Archives: July 2010

WHIZZ BANG POW

So here I sit, slightly dizzy and trying to wrap my head around the fact that it is July 31, 2010.  The Summer is roughly two-thirds behind us and that just boggles my mind.  I plodded and scraped and shivered through a taxing Winter with it firmly planted in my mind that if I could just survive it there would be a glorious Summer full of fun and sun waiting for me as my reward.

Summer finally arrived and it’s slipping through my fingers like mercury.

We’ve just (barely) survived a couple weeks of sweltering humidity on top of 80-90 degree temperatures that demanded, pretty much, staying inside taking advantage of the AC and constantly whirring fans which totally get on my last nerve. I detest them.  Now today, finally, it seems the humidity has left us and I was actually able to sit comfortably on my porch and enjoy my morning coffee with the birds and flowers.  That is one of my Life’s Favorite Pastimes.

So, God willing, here is how I’m hoping to spend what’s left of my precious Summer~

Next weekend I plan to travel back to my hometown to spend the weekend with my BFF Kate, who’s been my BFF since the first grade. The County Fair will be going on and we will OD ourselves on it as we have together, more years than not since we became BFFs.  Added bonus~ late-night catching up on what’s new with each other and reliving great memories.  Kate can make me laugh like nobody else and there are always tears and sore laugh muscles involved.  Yes, I am looking forward to that like crazy.

Later this month brings our Family Reunion. Not your normal reunion. I think you have to have a normal family in order to have a normal reunion… ; ) But we camp at our family park at my father’s homestead and it lasts for three days for some of us.  And we have such a hella good time that 3 days is usually not enough.  Yeah, I have some truly great relatives.  We have made some awesome memories over the years.  I cherish those times when so many of the people I love so very much are all in one place.

Next month my Godson is getting married. It promises to be a wonderful celebration with family and friends. The added bonus is that it will be something to look forward to instead of mourning the end of the Summer for me.

I found out yesterday that one of my favorite bands of all time, Yeasayer, will be in concert the end of September near me.  I will be able to check off an item on my Bucket List if I can go, and I intend to.

So, being that the first couple months of the Summer have flown by, filled up with a bunch of crap that I’m not even going to go into here, I’m hell-bent on spending what’s left with some fun stuff to make up for the other. Maybe somehow Time will magically slow down and this dizzy feeling will go away.

BIG SPOILER ALERT

(Warning, this is not happy, light reading.  My apologies beforehand… And it’s not a movie review…)

I’ve recently had my future show up at my door. Unexpectedly and knocking loudly. I kind of knew that it was lurking about out there and that sooner or later I would have to open the door and invite it in.  But somehow I had convinced myself that it would patiently wait until I was good and ready to entertain it.

For most of my life I could look out the peep hole and just enjoy the view. There were lots of beautiful sights to see.  Pretty and happy sights.  Then a few years ago, one day I looked out and the picture I was accustomed to seeing seemed a bit dimmer.  Less sharp and clear and somewhat tinged.  Let’s say the colors began to look a little washed out and a sepia effect was starting to bleed in.  If you’re not familiar with a sepia tone, think old photographs.  Not exactly black and white but sort of brownish yellow.  Now picture a sepia rainbow.  There are no brilliant vivid colors, just some lighter tans fading to darker tan.  Hard to distinquish and not nearly so interesting or festive.

I don’t mean to sound all Doom’s Day-ish.  I’m speaking reality. My reality.  And using my normal look the other way tactic just won’t hold water anymore.  There’s no avoiding the inevitable.

It’s called the Circle of Life.  We’re born, we live, and if we’re lucky we have the opportunity to age and then finally die.  We move through the Seasons of our lives from Spring to Winter.  It’s gradual and barely imperceptible.  Mostly.

There comes a point, though when we’re forced to face our immortality.  This point comes in many forms.  For me, a mirror is the vehicle.  I’m not only speaking of the moment each day when I wake up and actually see my face in the bathroom mirror; when I take stock of new sags and wrinkles and skin variations that were or were not there the previous day.  Yeah, that’s not exactly a picnic. But what I’m referring to is the mirror that is my Mom.  She’s where I will be in twenty years or less.

I’ve had to open my door and look reality full in the face.  I was only slightly prepared and accepting it or not is no longer and option but a necessity.

I’ve had to realize that at some point, bounding out of bed in the morning will not be an option.  That one day I may be dependent on someone else to make sure my daily needs are attended to.  That everything about my independence that I took for granted will poof like a soap bubble in the wind.  That my dignity may be compromised.  That seeing, hearing, walking, talking, dancing, typing, and even thinking will no longer be effortless.

It will help, I know, to have a good attitude.  To have loving family and friends around to help me get by.  Good eating habits and exercise may prolong the process and maybe make it less painful or more manageable.  But only that.  There’s no escaping the end result.

I’m not sure how you deal with this, or if you’ve even had to.  But we’re all in this together and even though it’s a very personal thing, it’s something we all have to face at some point.  I have my own thoughts and feelings about what comes after and those will be my comfort and my salvation, if you will.  But you have to move from Point A to Point B and it’s not exactly a downhill slide in the sense that it’s going to be easy.  Reality isn’t exactly a smooth paved path.

Forgive me if  I’m seeming all dire and morbid.  It’s simply where I am right now.  I didn’t want to open that door.  I was content enough to just take things day by day, putting one foot in front of the other and reminding myself to exhale every so often.

I will come to terms with it all at some point.  I won’t like it and I’ll fight it with every cell in my body and every neuron in my little brain.  But right now, it’s too fresh.  Too frightening and too claustrophobic.  I just had to get this out, carrying it around was wearing me out.  I have too much else to do.  And a time frame that’s shrinking a little every day.

COLD FLOOR

Somebody pulled the rug out from under my feet.

I didn’t realize how much I needed that damn rug.